What happens in Bali, stays in Bali…

The other week I was able to get away to Bali for a few days. It was a trip to see a best gf and her family vacationing there, as well as have a little R & R from work. It was also a chance to go on a date or two in a place with options– because, hell yeah, it’s high season in Bali right now!!

High season in Bali = a shit load of hot, fit, surfer guys! Super-fuckable guys! Oh my fucking god, yes! My gf and I (okay, mostly me) were literally drooling looking at all the gorgeous men there at the moment. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen that many guys with six-packs all in one place! To say I was in heaven was an understatement. As for Tinder, well, I could barely keep up with the potential matching, and subsequent messaging. I matched with more guys in one day then I probably do in one month in Siem Reap- in part because I was uncharacteristically swiping right, and shouting out loud “Yes! Yes! Yes!” to so many of them. Okay, maybe not shouting “yes” quite like that. That kind of “orgasmic” yes-in-a-row I save for in the bedroom.

Right! Back to matching with heaps of guys- super hot guys. I then had a major dilemma! “How do you narrow down the talent? Who do you choose to go on a date with, when you are overwhelmed with options for the first time in years?” Normally, I don’t message guys first- unless I’m pretty keen. You’re damn right I was keen, and with only four days in Bali, time was of the essence! I also thought it would be pretty sweet to have one of those holiday romance kind-of-fling-things.

Now, what single girl doesn’t want a holiday romance-fling, especially on a beach holiday? Picture it- days filled with lazy mornings in bed after all-night sex sessions, then another session in the afternoon after you two come back from surfing. Well more likely, him surfing, and you dozing off on the beach whilst working on your tan. After, ordering take away, because you don’t want to waste time getting dressed and going out, when time is so much better spent rubbing your hands down his wash-board stomach

Oh wait, sorry, none of that ever happended, even though that’s what I was ultimately dreaming of. No, it doesn’t only happen in movies but, sometimes the timing just isn’t right- as in mine. A four day family holiday, with limited, precious time as Auntie Joss, is not conducive to a sex-a-thon/romance fling-thing. Not that I didn’t have an actual offer for one but, I got turned off from meeting him after he sent me one of those unsolicited dick pics and it was flaccid at that! Ughh!

Now, that doesn’t mean I wasn’t going to have a date with a hot guy still, so back to narrowing it down. I ended up messaging quite a lot with four guys who both wanted and were able to meet when I could. Saturday night was out, as I was babysitting til 1am, which at this point left anytime Friday, or my last day on Sunday. Crappy, limited wifi had made keeping in touch a bit more tricky, however, so Sunday was “Date Day”. It would be the perfect way to end my trip.

You want to know what happened, don’t you? Your asking yourself “Which renowned Bali beach bar did they go to?” or “Dinner with seasonal seafood?” maybe “An afternoon surf lesson?” What part of “What happens in Bali, stays in Bali” makes you think I’m actually going to spill the beans?

Okay, okay! Well, let’s say it didn’t quite work out to have a proper date. We met just before I was heading to the airport for my 130am flight. Yes, I can confirm he was hot- ✔, fit- ✔, and had one of those wash-board stomachs- ✔. The rest, well you’ll just have to use your imagination as What happens in Bali, stays in Bali…

Read my upcoming posts for more dating adventures, antics, and mishaps as I continue my search for Mr. Right. If you enjoyed What happens in Bali, stays in Bali, then look out for my next post Lock up your sons! — There’s a Cougar on the loose! You can follow me here, or like my FB page https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/

Being the “Bachelorette”- Part 2

So, Derek was finally back in town, and we met for Date #4 at a new cocktail bar. As with our other dates, we had a fantastic time! I especially remember laughing a lot. After a few cocktails, it was time to end our evening since it was a “school night”. As we walked around the corner, he grabbed me and kissed me! Wow! Now that was a kiss! I remember going home and feeling pretty fucking excited as this was someone who I not only had a great connection and chemistry with but, he was also a digital nomad, which meant he could potentially stay in Siem Reap. He had already hinted at this during the end of our last date. He also had the ability to relocate when I did. Bonus points there!

The next night we met for Date #5 at a pub quiz, once again with his best friend. They often went, so knew the drill, and I knew very little to help the team. We lost, they were gutted, so we went to drown our sorrows at another bar, well, for a night cap anyways. Shortly after, being another “school night”, I headed home while they carried on.

During the next couple days I asked if he was free to meet, however, he said work was crazy at the moment, and unfortunately he couldn’t. Then the day after, I received the Dear John message “It was lovely to meet you, but I’m leaving Siem Reap in a few days, blah, blah, blah”. To say I was surprised was an understatement, and to this day I still don’t know what the fuck happened when everything felt so right. What I do know, though, is that he definitely was not Mr. Right!

Okay, there’s more bachelors, so next! You might be asking then “What about Bachelor #2- Josh- who lives in Siem Reap?” We’ve seen each other around town, but it’s clear to both of us that we are just meant to be friends.

Right then, “What about Bachelor #3 (Paul) and Bachelor #4 (Steve)?” you ask. Well, as I mentioned in my previous post, one of those two I’m still in touch with! Is there something more there? Is there potential for anything in the future? Who is it? —

Well, Steve ended up flying to Bangkok for a medical emergency (a concern he already mentioned before we ever met) a couple days after our date, and I haven’t heard from him since. We didn’t really have any spark, so it’s okay, but wherever he is, I hope he is well.

However, Paul and I do still keep in contact. We had a fantastic connection but, the reality is, it wasn’t enough to begin some long-distance dating fantasy. Regardless, he wasn’t interested in anything long distance. I truly believe everything happens for a reason. Maybe we were meant to meet, but the timing wasn’t right, but maybe, one day, the timing might be? Or maybe it still won’t be but, I will have a lovely memory of time spent with a man who was intelligent, funny, and respectful. Those are some big boxes he’s ticked! So, let’s say, for the moment anyways, our story isn’t quite over

Back to square one! At this point, I’m sure you’re saying “Why not just find some more Bachelors?” So much easier said than done! Unfortunately, tourist high season is over in Siem Reap until December, so pickings are once again slim! Sure, there are still some dates happening, but these are with guys who are in town for two-four days, and definitely aren’t looking for anything serious. I do feel, though, you never know who you might make a connection with, so I’m continuing to put out positive energy to receive that kind in return. This is how I met Mr. Austria! Mr. Austria?? As in competition-winning-so-fit-and-gorgeous Mr. Austria? Okay, he wasn’t “officially” but, he might as well have been, because holy shit he was beautiful! I’m confident, with him, I was the one winning!

Although we matched on Tinder, at first he didn’t want to meet for a date. He said he couldn’t be my Mr. Right since he was only in town for two more days, and he didn’t want to waste my time. Later, however, he changed his mind when I said I was still happy to meet him as you never know the connection you might make. We ended up having a super fun date filled with drinks, dancing for hours- a man who can dance is so sexy- and a very hot kiss as we left the bar. Hot, as in he pinned me up against the wall, Oh my fucking god! Just remembering that moment alone makes meeting him so worth it! As for after, well, some things are better left unsaid. Or might just be revealed more in an upcoming post- such as the one where I give a star rating to some of my Tinder-date lovers! Hint: Mr. Austria will be topping the list!

If you liked reading Being the Bachelorette, follow me here, or like my FB page https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/. Watch out for my upcoming post What Happens in Bali Stays in Bali.

Being the “Bachelorette”- Part 1

It’s The Bachelorette- Siem Reap edition!

So how does one do their own version of The Bachelorette when there is pretty much a shortage of men to date? Well, fortunately for me, it was high season in Siem Reap. High season= tourists! It can also sometimes mean an influx of expats who move here for the “cool-dry” season. As luck would have it, and unbeknownst to them, I was able to find myself four participants! Yes, four! Honestly, I have no idea how the fuck it all fell into place but, somehow I managed to go on ten dates in ten days, with these four Bachelors! So let’s meet them!

*Just a little FYI, any age with the number forty in it has been censored as I realize some people, myself included, find the “f-word” offensive.*

  • Bachelor #1 “Derek”- F*&@% four year old Canadian and is a Digital Nomad. He frequently vacationed in Siem Reap over the last few years.
  • Bachelor #2 “Josh”- F*&@% two year old Australian who had just moved to Siem Reap for work.
  • Bachelor #3 “Paul”- F*&@% three year old American holidaying in Siem Reap. He currently lives in Norway with his ten year old son.
  • Bachelor #4 “Steve”- F*&@% one year old American vacationing in Siem Reap but, looking to stay as he is also a Digital Nomad.

Okay, I know what you’re thinking “This age range isn’t her norm, so what’s going on?” Well, on the advice of a gf, and after last year dating a “thirty-two going on twenty-two year old idiot!”, I was really trying to give older guys, instead of guys younger than me, a chance. Plus, these bachelors made ideal participants.

Now, I’m sure you’ve already started betting on the front runners, but let’s just see how these dates turned out, and if there ends up being any “fantasy over-night dates?”

Derek- Date #1- Friday– Picture ”speak-easy” style cocktail bar, great banter, and laughs. Instant chemistry! Deciding to change locations after a few drinks, we then hit up my “local”. A few hours later, we had a small kiss, but ended our night there…

Josh- Date #1Saturday– We met at a cafe, which was a nice change to meet outside of a bar setting. We chatted for about 1.5 hours, unfortunately, there wasn’t really any chemistry.

Paul- Date #1Part 1Sunday– We had connected a month prior on Tinder, and as the only “Bachelor” actually a tourist, I offered to meet him at the airport. Mani-Pedi complete and summer dress on, I was ready for whatever the afternoon brought. He, however, had had a long flight from Norway and was jet-legged, so this part of our first date ended with me dropping him to his hotel. A few hours later he invited me to his hotel-rooftop for dinner and sunset cocktails…

Paul- Date 1 #-Part 2Sunday- The next part of our date began with rooftop cocktails at his 5 star hotel while we watched the sunset. Dinner there didn’t look too appealing, so we headed into town for a bit of siteseeing. After, we grabbed some Mexican for dinner, and then he headed back to his hotel, yes alone, wrecked from jetlag…

Paul- Date #2Monday– We met in town after he finished watching the Superbowl. Our date began by trying to find a mobile screen repair shop, as his got smashed during the excitement of his team winning! While it was getting fixed, we grabbed some brunch. After, he headed back to his hotel as he had work he needed to do…

Paul- Date #3Monday– This date began with exclusive rooftop cocktails, just as the sun had set. A few drinks later, we decided to forego dinner, and get “couple” massages instead. It wouldn’t be representative of The Bachelorette if we didn’t get “naked together” by the 3rd date. Then after, me accidentally showering in front of him too tipsy from cocktails to realize there was no privacy screen! Not that I actually gave a shit, but I seemed to be doing it all backwards when we hadn’t even kissed yet. — In the end, there was no kissing, and we went home separately, again

Derek- Date #2Tuesday– I had another day off work, as it was a public holiday, so headed to the pool for some R&R and lunch. Remembering Derek was staying very nearby, I messaged to see if he would like to join, and 30 minutes later he was there! We enjoyed chatting over lunch and a swim but, an hour later, he had to get back to work…

Paul- Date #4Tuesday– Having changed hotels to be in town, we were able to walk along the river at sunset to a nearby restaurant so he could finally try some local cuisine. After dinner, we went back to the rooftop bar from the previous night, again with the place to ourselves. Privacy and exclusivity have it’s perks, but the gentleman he was, he didn’t make a play. Now, that’s not to say there wasn’t an amazing connection, chemistry, and intelligent, engaging conversation. It seems, after everything, that some things are just worth waiting for

**Thursday– I had a date with what I thought might be Bachelor #4, but it turned out to be his last night in town, so I didn’t count him. **

Derek- Date #3Friday– On this date, I got to meet his best friend. No pressure! Luckily I’d been at a free-flow wine event, so I was feeling very relaxed, but admittedly a wee bit drunk! I met them at a cocktail bar, and we had a great time chatting and getting to know each other better. Later, Derek and I headed to my “local” again, and stayed til closing time. As we said goodnight, we finally had a proper full-on kiss!! He was off to Thailand in the morning for two weeks, but if that kiss was any indication, we were definitely going to be seeing each other again!

Steve- Date #1Sunday– We met at a vegan food fest, as we were both vegetarians. We tried some different things and even won a couple sweet prizes in the raffle. We didn’t end up having a great connection though, but I was willing to give him one more chance…

Holy shit! Are you as exhausted reading that as I felt after my ten dates??!! Also, I know it’s hard to believe, and may even be disappointing for some of you, but as you may have noticed above, there were not any “fantasy over-night” dates to be had! It was actually very refreshing to go on dates with guys who were respectful, and who didn’t expect sex at the end of the night.

Well, that wraps up my ten dates in ten days with four guys (well five guys, eleven dates- technically). The Bachellorette- Siem Reap edition doesn’t end there though! At this point, two of the Bachelors have left town, but two still remain! It should also be noted, that of the two that have left town, I’m still in contact with one frequently

Will one of them be my Mr. Right? Check out the follow-up post Being the “Bachelorette”- Part 2 to find out!

Tinder 101

Then along came Tinder! I resisted it at first- pretty easy to do when you don’t have a Smart phone, but when your girlfriends get you an iPhone for your birthday with the Tinder app installed and a profile ready, as if you’re going to say no! They were very thoughtful friends, as it was all to make sure I got laid for my birthday– and doesn’t everybody want that?? Anyways, that night is very alcohol-induced hazy, however, I’m pretty sure we (ok, I’m pretty sure it was actually one gf in particular) might have swiped right to every guy between the ages of 18-35 years old in a 150 km radius! As I was a Tinder virgin, you probably want to know if, well, I got fucked? The answer, unfortunately, is no. What my first experience taught me, is that a lot of guys will match you, but then just stop there.

Don’t know what Tinder is, or how it works, you say? Never used Tinder? Well, imagine going to a bar and having guys lined up within your preferred dating age-range. With either only looking at them, or possibly (let’s say half of them) listening to them talk about themselves for 15 seconds, you decide whether you want to continue to chat, or tell them “Adios Amigos”. Now imagine that all of this is instead online, but you now have up to 100 men, boys, boy toys, or just plain idiots- whatever ever you want to call them, pretty much thrown in your face. The only catch they have to want to chat to you too. So, here we enter a whole new world of dating, or at least options of men to date.

During this time, I was living in Queenstown, the “adventure capital of the world”, so there were both a lot of locals and tourists on Tinder to choose from. I went on a few dates, dated someone for six months (that experience could be an entire blog in itself, it was so bad), but the point is- there were options! I didn’t know how good I had it at the time. Unfortunately, Queenstown had been challenging me in other parts of my life, so I decided to change careers, change countries, and move to Cambodia to teach English. This is how I ended up living in Siem Reap.

Dating in Siem Reap has been an entirely different experience. And by different I do not mean better. I mean so fucking bad, that I actually used some of the shit experiences of dating here in my first ever (charity fundraiser) stand-up comedy routine. It was actually at this fundraiser that I gave out my phone number at the end of the performance. Or did I? Sorry, just talking shit again. I mean, I did pass out pieces of paper to the audience with a phone number on them but, it wasn’t mine! Apologies to the random person who might have got calls that night, opps!

“When you dedicate half of your debut stand-up comedy routine to the fucking shit dates you’ve had, you know the pickings are slim, and there is a lack of talent!”

For anyone who lives here in Siem Reap, you will know what I’m talking about. For those who don’t, let me explain. There is a local (Cambodian) community, and an expat community. Within this expat community, you predominantly have single women +35, gay men, heterosexual couples, men +55 who want to meet a nice Cambodian girl to take care of them, and 25-35-ish year old single men. Hold up! I bet you’re thinking what’s wrong with these 25-35 year old guys?? Well, nothing if they actually wanted to date someone but, it seems, the majority do not. Instead there is a big “player” scene, where a girl is lucky to be the flavor of the week, or flavor of the month. Hell, it might even take six months for it to be your turn again. Yes, I can actually confirm this one from personal experience.

So, who the fuck can you date??!! Well, your choices then become locals or tourists. As I mentioned in my debut post, I tend to go for tall, white guys. Translation- Asian guys are not my type. That leaves tourists, and well, the best way to meet a flock of tourists is on Tinder! It’s not all unicorns and sparkles though! When you dedicate half of your debut stand-up comedy routine to the fucking shit dates you’ve had, you know the pickings are slim, and there is a lack of talent! Now, that’s not to say I haven’t had a few fun dates with a couple of the tourists I’ve met. I think one I even fell in love with one the moment I met him. It kind of didn’t hurt that he looked like a Calvin Klein model. Did it just get a bit hotter in here?

Last year, however, I was so disheartened by the dating scene in Siem Reap, I actually only went on a handful of dates. This year though, I decided, as a New Year’s “resolution” kind-of-thing, to get out and meet more men and give more of them chances. I want to find someone to share all the love I have to give. I resolved I was going to open myself up to love this year, in hope of it coming back to me. You know, positive thinking to receive some sparkles in return. This is how The Bachelorette: Siem Reap came to fruition this past February.

Check out my next two posts to find out what happens when I become The “Bachelorette”. You can also follow me here, or like my FB page https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/ to know when new posts go live.

Is anybody else single out there?

Have you ever been asked multiple times over the years “Why is a great, cool girl like you single?” As flattering as that might seem, did you ever just want to reply “Because I’m fucking crazy!” to shut them up? Granted, not the best way to answer, but points for being a smart-ass! I reckon, though, many of you will have probably answered like me “Because I want to be.” What??! You mean a woman can be happy on her own? I think if you asked around, many people would actually find this hard to believe- that a woman does not need a man to be happy. Well, it’s true for a lot of us, myself included. I am extremely independant, but now I’m also ready to give my time to someone, to finally have that Mr. Right in my life.

So, assuming you’re single, my question to you is– Have you ever asked people you don’t know well, or even complete strangers, if they knew anyone you could date? Sounds a bit scary to put yourself out there like that, doesn’t it? Well, I can attest to the fact that it sure the fuck is! It seems, though, I still have some dignity left to lose. I have been known at various parties and events to ask all the girls “Do you know any single guys I could date? Your brother, a cousin, your boyfriend’s brother, your dad, your son??” Now I’m just talking shit, well, kind of. I mean dating someone’s dad would just be weird, and ewww, gross! In all honesty, I cannot ever imagine dating anyone that was old enough, or even close enough in age to be my father! As for sons, well, the last time a girlfriend had her son visit her from overseas, she wouldn’t even let me meet him! Ummm, so much for dating him! How does that saying go? It’s “Lock up your sons!”, isn’t it?

Now, back to those parties and events I mentioned earlier. There was yet another time at a ‘Girls Nite’ Christmas dinner-party where I introduced myself, and asked if they knew anyone single I could date. Then there was that time at a fundraiser where I even passed out phone numbers! Shit, now I’m sounding desperate again, aren’t I??!! Okay, I get it, but here’s the thing– I’ve been single for a bit, and by a bit, I mean like years, and by years, I mean like fucking years. In fact, just the other week I was on a date with a guy who happened to ask me how long I’ve been single. The truth I have been single for the majority of the last 15 years! Almost the entire time I’ve been traveling and living overseas.

What I hate now is that I feel like the longer time goes on, the more people judge me and think “What’s wrong with her?” Hey, I get it– 15 years is a long fucking time! As I mentioned earlier though, I’ve been happily single for most of that time. It was only when a few years ago that I was able to base myself in a country long term I thought “Getting involved with a guy again might actually be okay.” Okay, as in “I might not get my heart broken when my Visa expires and I have to leave the country” okay. Yes, that’s actually happened– twice. Living the expat life for so many years by this point, knowing I was finally, somewhat more easily, able to stay somewhere for more than a year was definitely a game changer. I slowly began to become more open-minded to the idea of dating again, and eventually began my search of looking for my Mr. Right.

Follow me here to read my next post and see how I discovered the world of Dating + Tinder! You can also like my page on FB to get updates on new posts at https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/

Are you my Mr. Right?

Mr. Right?? Mr.Right-Now?? Mr. Wrong??!! — They say we learn from our mistakes, so I figure for all the Mr. Wrongs I’ve met, and even dated, surely I must be on the path to meeting Mr. Right soon? Soon-ish? Before I’m in a wheelchair needing hip replacement surgery??!! Oh god! I’m starting to sound desperate! Doesn’t the pool of men begin to diminish as we start to get older? Or is it just the pool I’m interested in? It seems the age of men I find attractive has stayed the same, which now apparently makes me a Cougar! Okay, sure, lots of young guys like older, “experienced” women but, are they actually serious about dating? Umm, that’s pretty much a big fat no! So I’ll file them away to that Mr. Right-Now category, which, well, cover your ears Mom and Dad, has become quite a long list. It also gives me some juicy stories to tell you about in the future.

So what I want to know is “How do you find Mr. Right in an ocean of not the right guys?” It’s literally like finding a needle in a fucking haystack! Well, I put this challenge upon myself this year– to start weeding through all these wrong/not-so-right/ok-for-right-now/boy-toys. How else do you find anyone unless you put yourself out there and try?

Now- I’m sure you’re also wondering what my Mr. Right consists of, as we all know that what is right for one person, isn’t right for another. First off, he has to be hot! Like superfuckable hot! Shit, did I just write that for everyone to read? Opps! So when I say hot, I mean like a Calvin Klein model, six-pack and all-that, kind of hot! Okay, I know what you’re thinking– You’re saying to yourself right now “Is this chick for real? Could she really be that vain?” and “Calvin Klein model look-a-likes, the few that there are, are hardly serious bf material!” Oh, you’re probably additionally thinking “Does she really think she’s going to win the lottery and find a guy who is supermodel hot and wants to date?” Well, here’s the thing, I have been on some dates with some seriously hot, hot, hot guys- enough times I’m high five-ing myself right now! But, and it’s a big but, right there, this is where I start to go wrong and where I go off track but, damn! How can you not resist a wee bit of yummy boy-toy candy every once in a while??!!

“Unless his name is Usher and he is a famous singer, then that’s okay.”

Okay, back to who fits my Mr. Right criteria. You’ve probably figured this out already— I’m picky! Really, really picky! I reckon, though, we owe it to ourselves to have standards. If I keep fit, then why can’t I expect this in a guy? So, in addition to fit-attractive men, I like:

  • Tall. My rule has always been, if you’re shorter than me when I wear heels, which I pretty much live in, then I’m not interested. I have had more than one girlfriend almost smack me on the head for not being more open-minded, so I would like to say, I have tried really hard recently to be accepting of dates with guys of at least my height. Progress!
  • I tend to gravitate to white boys. Yep, those Caucasian ones. Tall, dark, and handsome might be in my dreams but, in reality I rarely go for them. White boys with a healthy golden tan because they’ve been climbing mountains, sign me up!
  • Maybe #1 of importance, and I’d say “make or break”, is that whoever I date long term, has traveled and wants to travel more. This is their lifestyle, not just a one-off holiday or gap break.
  • Is not looking for a baby mama!
  • Is kind, funny, intelligent, witty, active/fit, blah, blah, blah…
  • Sex. Has to be great in bed, and there has to be an amazing connection. Obviously, this is subjective, so I’ll get into more detail about what I think defines “great in bed” in one of my future posts.

Sooo, if you’re reading this right now, and you think “Wait, I know the perfect guy for her” –but– “he’s a bit of a couch potatoe.”, then just stop right there! “But, he has a passport!” Not good enough! “But, he isn’t looking for a Baby Mama because he has three already!” No, no, no! Unless his name is Usher and he is a famous singer, then that’s okay. I’ve often told people that Usher is my only ever potential Baby Daddy. He is sooo fucking hot! ——– Sorry, got sidetracked for a moment there as I pictured rubbing my hands down Usher’s washboard stomach, oh my!

Right! Back to the topic on hand! Now, this doesn’t mean I want you to stop thinking about who you know that might be the perfect guy for me, I just want to make sure we’re in unison. Okay, so now that you get the idea of what I’m interested in, let’s find out about my dating adventures, and not-so-much dating adventures— How I came to be looking for Mr. Right.

Read my upcoming posts to continue on this journey with me as I search for my ever elusive Mr. Right. You can follow me here, or on https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/

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