All right guys! Guys as in men! Isolation is almost over everywhere around the world, dating is getting back into full swing again. It’s the perfect time to spruce up and sort out your profiles on Tinder, or Bumble, or whatever app you use to date, — or get laid on. Let’s be honest, because what guy nowadays actually uses Tinder looking for a sincere date/relationship? Anyways, regardless what dating app you single guys are on, for whatever reason, the following info is for you!
In my opinion, I would say at least 50% of men’s profiles on Tinder are ridiculous, and by ridiculous, I do not mean funny. I don’t get it- and I’m not the only one. My gf’s who are on these apps now, or who have been on in the past, agree with me. None of us can understand why there are so many profiles that are so bad, specifically photo-wise. Okay, yes, sometimes my gf’s and I laugh at them- but not in a way that means we are ever going to match you. There have been many a night over drinks when we were highly entertained by, let’s just call it the “fuckwittery” of these profiles. We might be laughing, but it is never going to get you a date. If you’re looking to get lucky, well there’s even less chance of that happening.
Don’t worry, I’m here to help! I’ve taken it upon myself to complile a list of 10 things many of my gf’s and I do not find attractive in a profile. Please stop doing them! Here they are in no particular order:
- Cars! We don’t want to see any pictures of only your car! Oh, and definitely not more than one photo of it! This really goes for anything actually. Not 7 pictures of only your cat, not 5 pictures of only your garden. You, you should be in the photos!
- One photo! -Even worse, it’s a horrendous bathroom mirror selfie! You have friends- please get them to take one of you next time you see them!- Hey, it’s a bit of a concept but, you could even get a picture with a friend… Ask your family. Ask a stranger! I don’t care who, it doesn’t have to be professional! Do I need to send out an SOS for you? “Help! Can someone please take a fucking picture of this guy?” Ughh!
- Pictures that do not look like you at all! I’m not talking about cat-fishing either. What I mean is, do not use photos from 5 or 10 years ago when you had hair and a six-pack- when clearly you are now 20 kgs heavier with a beer belly and also bald!
- Food! This is not Instagram! We don’t give a shit that you had sushi at some point in your life! If you like it so much, write it in your bio. Please, do not put a ratio of 75% food pictures to 25% of you! If you must show photos of food, then please, at least be in them!
- Gym pics! Really? Even if you’re fit as fuck, stop taking fucking photos at the gym of yourself. You’re there to workout- go do that!
- Every photo is a group photo! Look at you sharing pictures of you and all your friends. Fantastic that you have friends- gold star for you! However, if we can’t obviously see who you are in those 8 group photos you put up, we are not going to want to match with you! In the time it took to figure out who you were, we’ve already lined up a date with someone else. Bye-bye!
- Snapchat filter/photoshop! Leave the snapchat filter of cute bunny-rabbit-sparkly-faces to the girls. Unless your niece is in the photo with you- don’t do it! Yes, there’s a double standard here- get over it! Oh, and I don’t know what app it is, but on a few occasions a guy has shrunk his head, or put a sticker on his face of one of his photos. Seriously, what the fuck?! Why? Just don’t!
- A blurry, pixelated photo of your face! -And that’s the only picture with you/your face in it! — I’m going to need a drink soon!
- Travel photos or landscape pictures with no actual person in them! Hey, travel photos are cool, but again, this is not fucking Instagram. *Hot tip: You can connect them in your bio if you’re that excited to show off those travel pics. — Or happen to be slightly arrogant and think you’re a shit-hot photographer taking pics with your iPhone 11.
- Dick- pics!- Okay, we know you can’t get away with putting one on Tinder or Bumble, so when you connect with a girl off the app- for the love of god, please do not send her an unsolicited dick pic! I repeat, do not! Not cool= unmatch!
Now here are 10 suggestions of things girls would actually like or enjoy seeing on your profile. You never know, these things might help you score a date with that girl who has the great rack or ass- and who knows what can happen from there… Again, in no particular order:
- A photo with you and friends/family/colleagues.
- A picture with you and an animal. Cats, dogs, rabbits, feeding llamas? Domestic or farm, it doesn’t matter. However, unless you’re a mahout, you probably shouldn’t be close enough to get a photo of you and that elephant. Really, if it’s a wild animal, why/how are you even near it?- Unless it’s dead?! If that’s the case, then you just went on the Blacklist mate!
- Doing an activity that you like, such as a hobby, travel, or sport.
- You have more than 1 or 2 photos.
- Your photos look like you look now.
- Writing something in the bio space. — When you do this, it also needs to say something other than “I don’t know what to say” or “If you want to know more, just ask.” Please, please show you have a personality in that head of yours.
- If you match with a girl, and she has a bio, please fucking read it before you ask her “Where are you from?” when it states it in her bio. Don’t be so fucking lazy- that’s not attractive.
- At least one decent photo with no sunnies on. I get it, I hate my picture taken too, so I often hide behind sunnies, but seriously, eyes! Girls want to see your eyes.
- Now this is subjective, but in my personal opinion, if you are super fuckable hot with a six-pack, then I am all for a photo of you showing that off! At the beach, in a pool, riding a horse! Bonus points for riding a horse if you look like that! — Just had a flashback of Mr. Austria who did that. My gf’s and I drooled over that profile photo for weeks to come — I may have had a few more reasons to as well…
- Be yourself. Smile. Be genuine. Girl’s like that!
There you have it men! A short list of 10 things to do and 10 things not to do to up your dating game on your profile. It’s not complicated. So much so, the majority of us girls manage to do most of them. Listen- I get it might seem a bit overwhelming at first. I promise though, I’m just trying to help you guys out here, and I hope to see some of you take this feedback on board. As much as I, and many girls around the world may have been entertained, we look forward to seeing some updated profiles where a bit more effort has been put in. In the meantime, maybe I should start a Tinder Profiles- 101- For Men consultancy class?… Good luck guys! Remember, it won’t hurt to try. Really, what’s the worst that could happen?- You might get lucky?…
If you enjoyed this post, then follow me here, or on https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/ for new posts. You can also check out some of my previous writing below, such as Once upon a time in Singapore…, Sex (less) in the City, Lock up your sons! — There’s a Cougar on the Loose!, Are you my Mr. Right?, and Love, actually.
There once was a girl who, a few years earlier, had been on a fairytale date with a handsome, charming man, whilst on holiday in Australia. They kept in touch over the years, and finally the time had come for them to meet again- this time in Singapore. As the girl was currently living in Cambodia, it was only a two hour flight to get there. Here tells the story of how this girl and boy met once again for another fairytale date.
*Check out the prequel post Fairytale Date in the link below to read all about that first date* http://areyoumymrright.com/2019/12/01/fantasy-date-%e2%9c%94/
It’s the morning of my flight to Singapore, and excitement is an understatement! It has been almost four years since Matthew and I had finally met in person, and had our first date. This second date was long overdue! Having left my house at 7am, with an 830am flight out of Siem Reap, a layover in Kuala Lumpur, and a short flight delay, I didn’t land in Singapore until 430pm. Add getting through the airport and the taxi ride there, it was after 530pm when I finally arrived to the Hilton at Orchard Road, where my date Matthew was staying.
When my taxi pulled up to the hotel, I experienced a complete “Bachelorette” moment- the part where it shows the man watch the woman arrive and get out of the car. It was super surreal! There he was, after all these years, looking just as handsome as ever, and in a suit no less. Good thing I packed a couple of very nice dresses! We headed back to the room so I could freshen up before our 645pm dinner reservation. Matthew had already taken the liberty of ordering champagne for us, which was sitting on ice ready and waiting. I know I shouldn’t have been that surprised considering our last date, but when the room was actually a suite and there was a bottle of Perriet Jouet champagne to drink while I got ready for dinner, I was pretty blown away. Things were getting off to a fucking amazing start!
Okay- let’s rewind a moment and just take this all in. A five star hotel with Cartier and Rolex as it’s shops on the ground floor, a hotel suite boasting two bathrooms, a huge bath tub, lounge, two balconies, and chilled champagne on arrival- Holy shit! Could this get any better??!! Oh it does, because this is only the beginning, and we still had 23 hrs left of our date!
After doing a quick catwalk of the dress choices, I put on Matthew’s pick, and we headed downstairs to our town car, complete with chauffeur, to take us to our dinner destination. We arrived just in time for sunset. Being Singapore, I knew there were no shortage of fantastic dinner venues to go to, and that the sky was the limit on where we could dine. Little did I know that was literally the case when we arrived to the Marina Bay Sands Hotel and went up 57 floors to the roof top for dinner at Ce La Vi. Fucking wow! I remember taking pictures of this iconic structure on my first trip to Singapore, knowing I could never afford even one drink there. Now, however, I was being escorted with Matthew to our window table!
On being sat, our host asked if we wanted a sommelier. Originally saying yes, Matthew then suggested we stick with “bubbles”. As if I was going to say no to that! Matthew then ordered us a bottle of Dom Perignon!! I think I was actually fucking speechless there for a moment! I don’t generally get impressed easily, but never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I would be causally sipping on one of the best vintage champagnes produced, and on a date no less.
Anybody who knows me, knows I am far from materialistic, and could care less about brand names. However, after working in hospitality for almost 13 years- where I first learnt about Dom Perignon champagne, as well as living predominantly on a modest budget for the last +17 years, I could appreciate how special this night was. I also felt lucky to be spending it with someone who was so thoughtful and generous.
”Dom Perignon has become the most celebrated brand of premium quality champagnes on the planet.”themarketherald.com.au/magazine/the-worlds-most-expensive-champagne-and-why-dom-perignon-remains-at-the-top-2020-03-06/
By the way, the champagne was absolutely fucking phenomenal! Dinner was great, and dessert was to die for! Ce La Vie is an asian restaurant, so we shared some yummy dishes, then a Chocolate Lava Cake complete with dry ice- it looked like it was erupting! After, we decided to check out the bar on the patio for cocktails. We had a couple drinks there, then Matthew suggested we go to a new bar that had just won heaps of awards. Not surprisingly being a Saturday, it was at capacity, and although he tried, money couldn’t buy us past the waitlist. We ended up enjoying cocktails next door until the bar closed at 1am.
Pleasantly tipsy, we asked our driver to take us back to the hotel. So, now this is where things get tricky. I’m staying in Matthew’s hotel room with him, there is only one, albeit huge, bed. He has paid for everything, except my flight, and Singapore is not cheap! He is attractive- although older than what I normally go for, considerate, charming, intelligent, and a great conversationalist. The evening was nothing short of a Hollywood movie script.- An ordinary girl who grew up with money always being tight, who then meets a handsome, sophisticated man. This man organizes and takes her on a date to one of the best restaurant and bars in the world, and proceeds to pay for it all with his black Amex card. It’s a little bit like a Cinderella story- girl meeting up with what could be her handsome prince but, the “ball” this time, just happens to be Singapore! Except—
Not used this type of lavishness, and in general, not letting a guy even buy me a drink at a bar, as “he might expect something in return”, you can imagine how I felt a bit like the character Julia Roberts plays in Pretty Woman. I mean, wouldn’t a guy who paid for everything expect sex, especially when I’m staying with him? Is there obligation now? Okay, I know you all want to know, the burning question. “Did you sleep with him?” Well, we’ll get back to that question later. In the meantime…
It’s the morning, and both of us luckily feel only slightly worse for wear. We headed to the VIP Executive Lounge for a buffet breakfast with proper espresso coffee. After, we spent the next couple hours lounging poolside, before going downstairs for lunch on Orchard Road. We picked a little sidewalk cafe, perfect for people watching. I had asked to pay before we got there, but once again, when the bill came Matthew took it and payed, noting that I had flown there. Okay, I couldn’t really argue there. Shortly after, it was time to pack up our stuff, and get a taxi to the airport. We said goodbye at check in, with promises to meet again much sooner than the almost four years it had been.
Oh, you still want to know if I slept with him, don’t you? Well, the answer is no. Although he was very flirtatious, with a few cheeky comments thrown in, by the time we got back to the hotel, I think alcohol had gotten the better of both of us. On Matthew’s part, he had also been taking strong painkillers having only recently had reconstructive knee surgery and been cleared to fly for work. And me, well, I barely slept the night before out of excitement, then was up early for the flight. On top of that, travel always exhausts me. I’m pretty sure we passed out mid-conversation, or well, that’s what I remember anyways.
To be honest, I was kind of relieved. Even though I knew there might be an expectation of sex, which I was honestly okay with, in the end I guess I just wasn’t wanting him to be another Mr. Right-Now. Having sex with Matthew, I reckon, would have cheapened the experience we shared. I also know Matthew isn’t looking for a serious relationship, having sworn them off after a failed marriage. Although our dates are amazing, admittedly, we are not looking for the same thing. Of course, that doesn’t mean we can’t have a great time when we do meet. I also get the feeling “wining and dining” a girl is pretty standard for Matthew when he travels for work. Why not have a companion to eat and drink with in a foreign country, if you can?
Matthew and I talked during our date, and since, about trying to meet up for our next date a lot sooner. Almost four years between dates is much too long! Writing this now, and just thinking about meeting him again, I’m excited! It is not often that you get to have a fairytale date with a guy. One who plans it all, so it’s a little bit mysterious. You get driven around by a chauffeur. You dine at the top-rated restaurants. You drink vintage champagne in bars with the best views of the city. You stay in five star hotels, that just happen to have a few lamborginis parked outside! I love the idea of meeting him again, in who knows what country or city, wondering where we will go, and which beautiful dress I should wear. Our dates are more than a fairytale, they are an adventure! Matthew might not be my Mr. Right, but going on dates with him is fucking fun and fabulous, so I’ll keep on going on them until Mr. Right comes along.
If you enjoyed Once upon a time in Singapore, then stay tuned for more of my dating stories. You can also check out my previous posts below, if you haven’t already. Follow me here, or on FB https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/ to get notifications of new posts.
So you guys probably guessed from the title, that this post is obviously not about me finding Mr. Right.
In my debut post I talked about my Mr. Right checklist and some of the things he needs to tick off to be eligible to be the one. As it’s been almost a year since that first post was published, and also for any of you new readers out there, I reckon it’s time to do a quick recap. What are the things Mr. Right has to embody for me to even think he could be the one? In no particular order:
- Fit, superfuckable hot, fit, Calvin Klein model hot, fit! Did I mention fit?
- Probably falls in the age range of 30-45 yrs old. Yes, I’m attracted to and generally tend to go for much younger men, but realistically, I often worry that if they’re too young, they might not be ready to swear off children- which is definitely a deal breaker with me.
- Travels! Loves to travel, life is travel, travel is the air he breathes, oh, and he’s likely a Digital Nomad so he can well, fucking travel!
- Kids is not a word in his vocabulary.
- Kind, funny, intelligent, compassionate, and passionate.
- Speaking of passionate, he needs to be passionate “in the bedroom”. If he isn’t an amazing lover, and got some 50 Shades of Grey tricks up his sleeve, I’ll be bored quickly and will say bye-bye!
So, it’s got to take a pretty special guy for me to even take notice, let alone start to think “What if this could be the one?” Is it even possible that I could think that after only one or two dates? What would need to happen, or be said that could make me feel that way? What kind of connection would there need to be that would make me feel so enraptured? And let’s say it was over a daytime coffee-lunch date, where we didn’t kiss, and also means he hadn’t yet shown me his prowess as a lover —
Well, I went on a first date the other week, and I truly thought he could be the one! Most notably, I felt we had a great connection. I remember feeling like I really wanted to touch him, and kiss him- things I only want to do when I feel great chemistry with a guy. We spent four hours together, conversation was easy. I remember laughing. He saw me close to tears when a friend hugged me, and he didn’t run away! And he shared a personal tragedy with me, that made him seem very real and vulnerable. Also notable, he’d ticked 5/6 on the Mr. Right checklist above!
Here’s the thing though, looking back I can chalk up those after-date thoughts to a couple major factors. First, I’d already built him and the possibilites of him, up in my head based on a few text messages, as well as some hot as fuck Tinder pics. Second, there’s this thing going on right now, just in case you hadn’t heard about it, called Coronavirus. It turns out that it’s a fucking pandemic, and has been known to make normally rational people act and react in ways they might not normally. Emotions are heightened, feelings are intensified. I mean, with an impending apocolypse, who isn’t going to think that when you’ve just had a four hour date with someone who ticked more Mr. Right boxes on a first date than anyone else in the last few years that he could be the one?! Holy Shit!
This is now where you proceed to freak the fuck out because you’re also so scared of everything finding Mr. Right entails. My last post, Love, Actually, talked about this. Oh, and in case you hadn’t guessed already, my feelings surrounding meeting this guy inspired me to write that post! A post where I show my vulnerable self for once. Hmm, but now you might also be realizing, if he was a catalyst for that post because he was in the running for being Mr. Right, what happened in a short period of time, that he then became The One That Isn’t the One?
The answer: I guess I’d have to say I had my Love in the Time of Coronavirus blinders on, and subsequently, his words and actions- or let’s just say lack there of- made me see him a bit more clearly. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m sure he’s a decent guy, but I was starting to feel like he was the type of guy who showed up, as he enjoyed the attention I was giving him. So much so, I didn’t really feel like it was reciprocated. After the first date, he certainly didn’t take any initiative to meet again, and he didn’t really show much interest when we did. Maybe he was just looking for friendship? Maybe he was, as they say “Just not into you”? Yet, somehow we managed three dates over two weeks! — It could be maybe he’s got lots on his mind, or is busy with work? Or, maybe he’s just been too busy going on dates with you- as in the rest of you single ladies in Siem Reap? —
Whatever the reason, it doesn’t matter. I have too much self- respect to give my energy to a guy who not only doesn’t seem to make an effort to engage, but who also couldn’t be bothered to text and ask if I made it home safe after an evening of drinking wine poolside at his. Maybe my expectations are too high, but friendship and/or dating require that minimal amount of care, don’t they? Even though we discussed another date for drinks again, I haven’t messaged him. Not surprisingly, I haven’t heard from him either. During and since that last date, it’s really confirmed for me that he was not only not my Mr. Right, but was also a whole lot of Mr. Wrong.
I think I’ve now been on a date with almost all the stranded tourists here- there were only three weren’t there?? Well, I’ve got a date lined up later today with Stuck in Siem Reap- Bachelor #3. He doesn’t appear quite so fit-superfuckable-hot, which is where I always go wrong — I’m giving him a chance though, as the one for you might just be around the corner. Or maybe he could be a Mr. Right- Now, because it’s been way, way too damn long since I’ve had one of those!
Regardless, I do hope things get back to normal, with flights and borders opening up again soon. Not just for more date-able tourists, but so I can finally make my way to my next travel-live destination. After four years, my time in Siem Reap with limited dating options will be coming to an end. Don’t worry, I promise to keep writing and update you with lots more stories, as I continue my journey of looking for Mr. Right. I hope you’ll continue to join me too.
If you enjoyed The One That Isn’t the One, look for the follow-up to Fairytale Date- ✔️ called Once upon a time in Singapore… You can also check out my previous posts below, if you haven’t already. Follow me here, or on FB https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/ to get notifications of new posts.
I was once asked by a guy on Tinder “What is the one thing you would most like to be asked?” This was in reference to someone you were dating or interested in. Still in our infancy messaging stage, it was refreshing to have posed what eventually became a few meaningful questions. It was also quite confounding, as it was so out of the ordinary of what the typical guy on Tinder writes. As much as I often talk about finding Mr. Right, and how fit, superfuckable hot, and likely young he needs to be, I rarely mention the desire for a real connection of love. I mean, if I did that, it would make me really vulnerable, right??!! So I joke, and hopefully make everyone laugh, but that’s a bit of a “play it safe” veneer. This blog is called Are you my Mr. Right because what I’m looking for most of all, is my match in love. I’m also scared shitless to find it. I’m scared to be hurt. I’m scared at failing in a relationship. It has been so long since I’ve dated someone seriously, I worry I’ve forgotten how to do it. It’s been even longer though, since I’ve felt love, actually.
Speaking of love- when I’m not working, going on dates, or seeing friends, I often have evenings in watching movies. Even more so now, with the world in isolation. Oh, and not just any movies, but the Hallmark ones. Hmm, not quite the Netflix and chill you imagined I’d say, was it? Yes, I admit it- I am a sucker for those cheesy romantic ones where it is destiny that they meet, end up falling in love, and everyone lives happily ever after! It’s always such a fairytale — Oh, don’t worry, I’m almost as confused as you are as to why I like these movies, especially when I adamantly don’t believe in fairytales anymore, and I’m so not into romance. Or so I thought- because shunning romance definitely makes me less vulnerable, doesn’t it? Admittedly, most of the movies are quite crap but, every once in a while Hallmark gets it right, like really right. It’s while watching these ones that I’m reminded of the love that I’ve been lucky enough to have felt twice before. In those moments, it feels like my heart is yearning so much, it is going to burst. And god damn it, sometimes those stupid fucking romantic movies even make me shed a tear or two. Ughh! As it turns out, those Hollywood, sorry I mean Hallmark movies make me feel.
I am the self-described “Dating Queen” of Siem Reap and have been known to go on as many as three dates a week, and there’s even been a few times when I have had two dates with two different guys in the same day! Don’t start doing crazy calculations now, it probably only works out to four dates a month. I go on lots of dates as I want every possible chance to find that one amazing connection. You know the one I’m talking about- there’s this intoxicating feeling, you cannot stop smiling and laughing, maybe you want to reach out and touch them. There is a spark, an aura around you two, and the energy between you is almost combustible! It’s that one in a million! This is why, every time I have an opportunity to go on a date, I take it. Of course, realistically, most of the dates I go on do not even have an ounce of connection or chemistry. Really, what are the odds that that next guy might be more? Living in Siem Reap, a town full of tourists (or not so full most of the year- and close to zero now with the Corona Virus), the guys are generally here for a good time, not a long time. They rarely want to meet a second time, even if they are here another night or two. To them, if I let them, I’m nothing more than a holiday fuck. Or if I’m lucky, a holiday fling. It tends to get old after awhile. But, here’s the thing- the thought of never ever finding Mr. Right actually scares me a hell of a lot more than falling in love again.
Which leads me back to the question about the one thing I most want to be asked. Not just by any guy or Tinder match though. It would lose it’s value if it was. It needs to be asked by the right guy, that one in a million you’ve had an intense, heady connection with. The one that makes all those average dates until now seem worthwhile- as they have led to this one. The one that ticks so many of the Mr. Right boxes. The one that you hope so much might be who you’ve been looking for. The one who makes it okay for you to feel vulnerable and scared. The one who will realize that I am so much more special than trying to make it into a one night stand, and that I am worth seeing again. The one, who at the end of our date- whether that is number two or ten- will ask me what I most desire to hear. As it happens because he also wants love, actually. And that’s when I’ll hear him say “When can I see you again?”—
If you enjoyed this post and are a new reader, check out some of my previous posts below. Look out for my upcoming post The One That Isn’t the One. You can follow me here, or at https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/.
Awww, Love in the Time of Cholera — Opps, I mean Love in the Time of Coronavirus. Okay, really what the fuck I am saying, there ain’t no love happening right now for a lot of us — Unless, of course, you were one of those lucky single people on Tinder or Bumble who found someone by way of an original pick-up line. Maybe it was a get right to the point one such as “Come quarantine with me!” , or a more cheesy one “The only thing not quarantined is my heart when I look at you”, or a naughty one “The Coronavirus might have shut everything down, but I’m still open for business”, a practical one “I’ve got plenty of TP and food- want to bunker down with me?, or the so bad it’s good line “If the Coronavirus doesn’t take you out, can I?”.
There’s amazingly been quite abit of success with lines like these, as well as plenty of new-ish relationships where you suddenly shack up together. So much so, The Edge radio station I stream from New Zealand has even featured a few time slots about this new cohabitation phenomenon. Here’s the thing- you either move in together, or you won’t see each other for at least a month, maybe two, or really who even knows?! How could anyone possibly say no to moving in with someone they’ve been dating only a few months when the lust and passion are at it’s height?
Or, maybe you’re like me, and live in a tourist town devoid of any but approximately three, three tourists right now! Oh, and most of the “eligible” single expats have left too. Which means that, yes, you guessed it, we will not, for the forseeable future, be having any sex in the city. I know for some of you, it won’t bother you too much. Alright, I’ll survive too, but there’s nothing like an impending warning to bunker down for an undisclosed amount of time to make you really wish you’d found your Mr. Right — or at least a Mr. Right Now.
There’s still one or two guys coming up on Tinder here a day- I think a few over and over now though. I recently matched and have exchanged messages with two who have been keen to meet. Sure, we can do a “social- distancing” date over coffee. I mean, how the fuck does that even work?! Are we supposed to sit at separate tables across the room from each other? Maybe we could write our questions on notes of paper, like in primary school, and get them passed back and forth by the wait staff- sanitizing our hands in between? Or, bring personal-sized white boards and markers to ask our questions on?- Shit, but then I’d need to wear my glasses to see that distance! Ughh! At what point do we not have to sit six feet or six meters, or whatever the new safety standard is, apart? Maybe every date we can lessen it by one foot, and if we have six successful dates, we can now finally kiss? And eventually (cover you ears mum and dad) have sex!
What if you don’t live alone? As whoever lives in your house is part of your “bubble”, that person will now have to pass the bubble test! What would the bubble test consist of?
- Can cook?- You’d definitely want someone who can contribute to that.
- Knows how to use a mop/broom/vacuum?
- Has good handyman skills?
- Is eager to play board/card/drinking games with your family or flatmates?
- Isn’t a screamer! Yes, you might want to be having great sex, but nobody, and I mean nobody in your house wants to hear you! — Especially if they are single! *Note to self: Ask if they are a screamer in the above social-distancing date questionnaire.
Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself here, as unfortunately, I have no prospective Mr. Rights in sight. Okay, yes, I have had two guys ask to meet, and so far I’ve met one. He was nice, good at conversation, but there wasn’t any spark. Now, more than ever, I feel like there’s huge pressure on the date for it to be “all or nothing”. There’s got to be that almost instant chemistry and connection, because there isn’t time for it to build. However, just because we’re both not able to leave the country and there is an impending lockdown, doesn’t mean it’s automatically “Love during Coronavirus”. So, as they say, next!
I still have one more guy I could meet, as we’re not in a state of emergency lockdown here, yet. I’m not holding out a lot of hope, however, as my gut feeling is telling me he’s not my type- although he loves dogs, and has already said he wants to quarantine at mine because I have one. Anyways, it’s okay, because I’d rather quarantine alone, then with the wrong guy out of desperation. Just in case, I’m prepared — If not, well there’s always Netflix. What better time for a Sex in the City binge-watching marathon, than for the next few weeks?! Samantha my girl, I’m coming for ya!
If you enjoyed this post and are a new reader, check out some of my previous posts below. Otherwise, stay tuned for more posts about funny, adventurous, or just plain bad dates I have been on in the last few months. Look out for more date stories when the world gets out of quarantine. You can follow me here, or at https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/.
Here’s the thing, you watch a lot of movies. Sometimes you go on dates — but, your dates are never like they show in those Hollywood movies such as ‘Pretty Woman’- where she gets taken shopping for a gorgeous dress, and then they fly on a private plane to a secret destination. I mean, really, as if anyone ever goes on a date like that! Well, I’m here to tell you that’s all wrong! Where do writers get these ideas from then? It’s because it actually happens. Okay, I know what you’re thinking “It doesn’t happen to an ordinary girl like me.” Hey, I’m just an ordinary girl too, but as you might expect, I’m about to tell you about that one time when I went on a Fairytale Date —
It all started a few years ago when I was living in Queenstown, New Zealand and we matched on Tinder. The guy I was dating had just ended things. A few days earlier I’d also had a bad snowboarding accident, so was stuck in bed with little more attention span than looking at profiles on Tinder whilst in my drugged-up brain fog. I’m not even sure I realized I was not capable of physically meeting anyone, the pain killers were working that well. Anyways, I matched with Matthew, a tourist from Australia in town for a ski holiday. Even though I explained we couldn’t meet, he was very sweet and thoughtful with his messages, and we messaged heaps. We continued to keep in touch, as I regularly visited a best gf in Sydney, so there was always a chance to meet in the future.
Who would guess that eight months later I was leaving New Zealand on my way to live in Cambodia, with a stop in Sydney for a week to see my gf and her family. Although Matthew frequently traveled internationally for work, luck would have it that he would be in town a couple of the days that I was. At first he mentioned already having plans to watch his football team play live, but then changed his plans to meet me. Matthew offered to meet in the CBD where I was staying with my gf, and said he would pick me up. I was worried about him drinking and then having to drive home as I knew he lived in a far off suburb, but he said not to worry about any of that. It all felt rather mysterious- and this is how our fairytale date began —
Around 6pm, I exited my gf’s apartment building to find him waiting for me, standing beside a car. It wasn’t just any car though. It was a Town Car, and there was a driver! I got in and thought “Holy shit! There’s a fucking chauffeur!” Our drive wasn’t actually very long, as we were apparently headed just down the road to the rooftop bar & lounge of the Shangri- La Hotel for sunset! Holy shit again! We were going to a five star hotel for drinks! When we arrived, Matthew, of course, was greeted by name. We enjoyed cocktails in the bar while the sun set, as we waited for a table in the lounge with a view of the Harbour Bridge. About a half hour later we were shown to our table, where he ordered us Verve Cliqout Rose– remembering from our previous conversations that I’d mentioned I liked it. We chatted and sipped on champagne looking out over the lit up city, and when our bottle was finished, and Matthew insisted on paying, we left to have dinner.
I didn’t know it until we arrived, and only a short distance from the Shangri- La, but Matthew had earlier made a dinner reservation for a five-course degustation at Bentley. He’d also confirmed that they could do mine vegetarian. Wow! I don’t generally get impressed easily, but so far this was adding up to be a pretty fucking spectacular night! This guy remembered things from our conversations, took initiative to organize our entire date, and was insisting on paying! Along with our dinner we enjoyed another bottle of lovely champagne, then an apres-dinner cocktail in the bar. When our chauffeur eventually dropped me back at my gf’s place around midnight, I felt like I was Cinderella and had just been to the ball!
Now I know you all are asking “Did you kiss??”. Yes, there was a small one but, he ended up being a perfect gentleman. He walked me to the building door, and our magical date ended there. Okay, now you’re asking “Have you been on another date since?” “Have you seen each other again?”. The answer is no, as our schedules have just never matched up — until now! Next weekend we will be meeting in Singapore for another date! Matthew has a layover there for a work trip, so it is a perfect excuse for me to travel somewhere. I’m excited to catch up with him again, as he was intelligent, funny, charming, thoughtful, and handsome. Champagne and a degustation dinner really were like the icing on a cake! Of course, I expect that this time will also be nothing short of amazing. Champagne wishes and caviar dreams? Hell yeah! Bring on Fairytale Date #2! Oh, and Hollywood- start taking notes.
Follow me here to find out what happens on my next fairytale date in Singapore (Once upon a time in Singapore…). You can also read previous posts such as my debut post Are you my Mr. Right, or my opinion post about what it feels like to be called a Cougar in Lock up your sons! — There’s a Cougar on the Loose! Like my FB page to also find out when new posts are out- https://www.facebook.com/pg/jossdatingblog/about/
When did dating become such a game?
Okay, I know– there are quite a few books written about this because it’s not actually an entirely new concept. I’ve even read one such book The Game when I was dating a guy who happened to have a copy. He “apparently” borrowed it from a friend. – Well, if that wasn’t a red flag, I don’t know what is?! If only I’d actually paid more attention at the time, I might have saved myself a lot of heartache. Anyways, I decided to read it as I was curious about what was being purported to men about dating advice. That was a few years ago now, and the dating game seems to be ever evolving, in part because of dating apps such as Tinder.
“When did dating become so complicated?”
Tinder has pretty much changed the face of dating. Traditionally, a guy would have to have gotten up the courage to go over to a girl in a bar, say hi, likely offer to buy her a drink, and try to hold what he hopes to be, engaging conversation. Now instead, he can be hidden behind a Smart phone, sending a first message that says nothing more than “Hi!”. I’ve been noticing recently, however, more and more guys who state on their profile something along the lines of “It’s cool if a girl sends the first message”. If the latter is the new standard- and more men are expecting women to make the first move online or in a bar- then we better throw out the outdated books targeted to women about dating.- Namely, the “How to’s” to get that man/husband you’ve always wanted. You know, the ones which basically state a woman should play hard to get, and only ever wait for a man to contact her.
As mentioned in one of my first posts, last year I was quite down about the dating scene in Siem Reap, and more so after dating a guy here who turned out to be just another player. A gf thought I wasn’t projecting myself right, and suggested I read one of those books about “How to do the right things” so I will attract the “right” men to date. I downloaded the recommended book sample on Amazon, but quickly realized it was very old-fashioned, and so not me! Here’s the thing though– why does there have to be all these rules on what to do and what not to do when you meet someone, or even just to meet someone? Am I only allowed to message a guy first if he suggests it on his profile? Or must I always patiently wait “ready” to be chased? When did dating become so complicated?
Here’s a recent example. A couple months back I matched with someone on Tinder, who at the time was an expat here. Within a couple messages, he then found me on Facebook and messaged me on Messenger. He initiated both conversations, and also admitted he had seen my picture on a local Facebook group page and thought I was “cute”. With a shortage of single men- who are not players and live here– I was keen to meet and see if we would have any connection. A few times I asked when he was free, at which he never answered. However, he did reply to other parts of our conversations, which included saying he was still interested to meet.
In the end, we never did meet because “He didn’t like that I was chasing him, which didn’t allow him to chase me.” What the fuck?! This was to meet for a first date, not to get married! It turns out, he was just playing the “Game”, and he obviously didn’t like how I did it! For me though, my time is valuable and I prefer not to waste it messaging for days or weeks, just to find out there isn’t any chemistry when I finally do meet someone in person.
“One of the most important aspects in the dating game is the chase. Everyone loves the thrill of the chase, especially when its reward is a relationship with someone you’re incredibly attracted to.”Prather, Molly. “How to Understand the Chase in Dating.” Dating Tips – Match.com, https://datingtips.match.com/understand-chase-dating-5704718.html.
Let’s talk more about the “Chase”. Who doesn’t want what they seemingly can’t have, or is hard to get? This is where the chase becomes fun, enticing or exciting, and can make the other person even more alluring and attractive. It can also be a challenge, and who doesn’t like a good challenge? I get it though, being chased can also be a turn-off. Even I tend to get turned-off by a guy who comes on too strong, or messages too much. Here’s the problem then — If “you” don’t like when I do the chasing, and I don’t always like when “you” chase me, then how the fuck are we ever going to go on a god damn date?! In an ideal world, men and women shouldn’t have to play this cat and mouse game of when it’s okay to text, to call, or to meet.
“I don’t play games — unless it’s in the bedroom.”
What if then, as mentioned above, a guy states on his bio “A girl messaging first is hot!”? These guys like girls who take initiative, who make the first move. Maybe they’re also the shy type, who secretly like to be dominated in the bedroom? Or they’re just a modern guy, who doesn’t follow any rules of how the dating game is supposed to be played, as written in so many books. Maybe, they don’t have any preconceived notions of what a “good” girl is supposed to be- essentially the idea that a girl is only good if she waits to be asked out, chased, or “plays” hard to get. Maybe he doesn’t give a fuck if she is a good girl, and in fact, he likes her more if she is a bad girl. Regardless, at least he’s given his preference for a girl to make the first move, which is a lot clearer than the common game that so many men expect us to play.
You probably have a pretty good idea of what I think of the “Game”, but if not, and this is specifically directed to all those men out there playing it — If you’re not man enough to sometimes let a confident woman do the chasing, even though this might not be your norm, then you can fuck right off and find another girl to chase! — Just to make it very clear gentlemen, I don’t play games — unless it’s in the bedroom.
If you liked The “Game”, follow me here, or like my FB page https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/ for updates of when new posts are coming out about some dating antics and adventures, as well as my next post Fairytale Date–✔
Let’s imagine you live in a small town, and you have an impending Tinder date. Now, even if you’re fine with meeting someone from Tinder, do you really want the world to know that you are? Is it really anyone’s business? Unless you’re one of those people looking for fame and have signed up for a reality tv show, I highly doubt you are shouting from the rooftops “Hey, look at me, I’m on a Tinder date!” I personally haven’t met anybody who wanted to advertise they were on a date, let alone a Tinder date. Dating is hard enough. Meeting someone you don’t know can be overwhelming, and even intimidating. No one needs the added pressure of everyone in the room knowing that you’re on a date, and watching how it pans out. It seems to happen all too many times, especially if you live in a small town like I do.
Where can you go for a date then? Where are some places that might be a bit more discreet? Places that feel like all the people who do you know, can’t watch, and therefore gossip, and tease.
I’ve come up with a list of some date ideas and venues that might not be quite so obvious that you’re on a date. Hopefully, in some of these places, you can relax and get to know each other, without feeling that you’re in some kind of movie for the rest of the town to watch. Some of these are slightly more specific to where I currently live, but are also from dates I’ve been on in the past. I’ve even added a couple ideas that I haven’t done yet, and checked off that ones that I have.
- Bowling- This is the type of thing that is always fun for a first date. It doesn’t matter if you’re good or bad. Hell, you could have some extra fun wagering, and say whoever loses has to buy dinner or drinks after. There’s also less pressure to hold such face-to-face conversation, as your doing an activity in between. ✔
- Mini-golf- Similar to above for the atmosphere it provides, except at least you don’t have the ugly shoes to contend with. Winning!
- A Spirits Taste Testing- No, not one of those “$5- All You Can Drink” things, but something a little more classy. For example, here in Siem Reap there is a restaurant called Georges Rhumerie that does a Rum Taste Testing with various flavors of Rum you can try. As they are small pours, there’s little chance of getting too tipsy next to your date. It could also be great conversation starter, as you two debate over your favorite flavors.
- A Pool- Okay, I know what some of you ladies are thinking– “Shit, that requires me to wear a swimsuit!” Why yes it does! On one of my many dates as the “Bachelorette” recently, we met me for lunch and a swim at my favorite pool (check out Being The Bachelorette in the archives below to read all about it). I do understand, though, that lots of you aren’t going to necessarily be into a daytime pool date. This is what I propose instead- go in the evening! If where you live is like Siem Reap and close to the equator, it’ll get dark between 545-645pm year round. Yes, the pool will be slightly lit up, but it won’t be anything like the bright starkness of daylight, where you might feel like every part of your cellulite shows.- Ughh! Anyways, I have also enjoyed some really great evening dates at this same pool. I like to call them “Moonlight Swim Dates”. The hotel-pool I go to also does yummy food and cocktails, so you can literally hide in the water if you want to, the entire time sipping cocktails while you get to know your date. Check out pics of my favorite spot shown below, and start to imagine yourself there with a date right now!
See, I knew you’d like it!
*Note: Ladies- when it’s dark, you also don’t have to worry about how recent your last bikini waxing was either* ✔
- The Beach- No, I’m not talking about the movie where people die! Think similar to a pool, whether it’s daytime or evening, the beach is a great, casual place to meet someone. I have had a couple dates on the beach/lakefront when I lived in Queenstown, NZ, and they were fantastic! Two different guys, one year apart, drinks and take away dinner. One time dinner was even delivered to us on the lakefront! No one would ever have guessed, either time, it was a first or second date. ✔
- The Escape Room- I haven’t done it, but I reckon it would be a super fun way to get to know your date while you try to “break out of jail” or “solve a murder mystery”.
- Ice skating- Ideally, one or both of you might want to know how to skate. I once took a guy ice skating on our second date, when I lived in Dublin. I learnt how to skate when I was 3 years old, however, it was only his second time. I had to hold him up most of the time! We ended up having an amazing date. ✔
- Paint & Sip- If where you live has something like this on, what better way to get to know one another than getting tipsy, and if you’re anything like me, while painting badly. Paint + wine sounds like a great time to me!
- Food Festival- This can be a great way to get to know one another as you taste heaps of different foods. You could even pick out a dish for each other to try. ✔
- Salsa Dancing- What, neither of you dance Salsa? Sign up for the free lessons that are part of a local event, or offered as an intro for a class. I once matched with a guy on Tinder in Vancouver who Salsa danced. We went to a Salsa club for our date, and it was so much fun!- Bonus points if the guy can Salsa, as a guy who can dance, is hot, hot, hot! ✔
Of course, not every town or city you live in has these types of venues, especially depending on the time of year. If they do though, I definitely recommend trying somewhere new. You might find it’s just the thing to help make that Tinder date a little more special.
Here’s what not to do if you’d prefer that everyone didn’t know you were on a Tinder date! — Do not get your date to meet you at an event held at an expat bar, for a local NGO school! I once did this, and blame the horrible flu-fever I had at the time. Luckily my date was a good sport, and even wore my clothes as it was a Drag Bingo fundraiser. He did query, however, how many people I told that I was on a Tinder date when one of the MC’s of the night came over to take the piss out of us! That’s when I had to explain, that as the only tourist in an expat bar- of whom I was rubbing my hands down his wash-board stomach — it was pretty obvious! In the end, he didn’t seem to care, but not something I would do again.- Unless you don’t mind what feels like the entire expat community gossiping about you the next day. — It was the lesson that just happened to inspire this post. At least you guys can learn from my mistake, and now have new ideas of where to go- as nobody likes to be asked “Are you two on a Tinder date?” Good luck, and happy dating!
Follow me here, or check out my FB page https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/ to find out when my next post about The Game is out. Don’t forget to check out previous posts in the archives below, such as Being the “Bachelorette”, Lock up your sons! — There’s a Cougar on the Loose!, and my debut post Are you my Mr. Right?
With all the dates I’ve been going on so far this year, and some recent to-my-face labelling with likely more behind my back, it’s gotten me thinking. — “When did it become okay to call an older woman a “Cougar”? At what age did I have to turn, to seemingly become very desirable to younger men?- Much younger men! Men that are pretty much boys and I am old enough to be their mother!” Okay, there are movies about this (think The Graduate), but why call women Cougars? This insinuates older women are preying on and chasing young guys, however, in my experience, it’s actually the other way around.
As I stated in my debut post Are You My Mr. Right?, the age of men I’m interested in hasn’t changed over the years. Nor has my taste in music, my love of traveling and not wanting to settle down, or not wanting to have children. My question to you then is- “Who are you to judge me on what I like, who I spend my time with, and subsequently call me names?” Well, this ain’t primary school no more! “Sticks & Stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” If you were one of the three year olds I teach, and did some name calling, I’d say to you “Not nice!”. Also, if I remember correctly, wasn’t it usually the ones that were jealous of someone or what they had, that called those people names?
“Why can’t I aspire to continue to have men in my life that remind me of my twenty year old first love? — Who just happened to have a body like a god.”
Anyways, if it makes some of you feel better to call me a Cougar, than so be it. In fact, I’m going to own that label right now! Yes, I do like and am attracted to men younger than me. Yes, I have dated men younger than me. Yes, I have had sex with men younger than me- a lot younger than me! Oh, you’re damn right I’m high-fiving myself right now! Excluding when I was the self-described “Bachelorette” a few months ago, I’m not actually sure when it was that I last dated or had sex with a guy my own age or older.
What I want to know is- why would you ever deny yourself that young, hot-as-fuck guy with a six-pack chasing you, when you are single like I am??!! I’m sure as hell not going to. Why can’t I aspire to continue to have men in my life that remind me of my twenty year old first love? — Who just happened to have a body like a god? —— Just a wee bit nostalgic there for a moment. My Tinder age-range might start fifteen years younger than me, but I’m certainly not going to complain when, by dropping down even only a few years, the choices and matches double! In a tourist town with low-season nine months a year, a single girl looking for Mr. Right (or if need be, Mr. Right-Now) could use as many options as she can get!
“I might be a Cougar, but I only bite and scratch if they want me to…”
In saying that, though, and I’m pretty sure you other Cougars out there will attest to this, we are definitely not the ones doing the chasing! In fact, I’d say the younger they are, the more they chase, at least in that twenty-two to twenty-five year old age range- or so I’ve noticed. Hmm, let me think about it. — Hot, fit, twenty-five year old man begging to meet. Sounds horrible, said no one ever!
Here’s a couple recent examples. After my stint as the “Bachelorette” (you can read those previous two posts in the archives below), I matched with a twenty-five year old on Tinder. One of his first messages said “I hope you don’t mind younger guys?” Now, would I be matching with him if I did? He messaged me constantly asking when we could meet. When we finally did, he admitted he bragged to his travel buddies he was meeting an “older woman”, but was also worried I would stand him up. If you live in Siem Reap, you may have even seen him being a great sport wearing my clothes at a local Drag Bingo fundraiser. —
Then there was the twenty-two year old who said he only went on dates or dated “older, experienced women”. He also messaged repeatedly asking when we could meet. He must have said the right things, because we met for drinks, and at the end of the night, he grabbed me and kissed me! Now that was a game changer! Who doesn’t find a confident, dominant man attractive, even if he’s only twenty-two??!! Of course, this is only my opinion. If you’re still concerned about the well-being of all these young men, then you better Lock up your sons! — There’s a Cougar on the loose!
Disclaimer: No twenty-two to twenty-five year olds were maimed on any dates. I might be a Cougar, but I only bite and scratch if they want me to…
Follow me here, or like my FB page https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/ to find out when my next post is out. Stay tuned for more dating antics, mishaps, adventures, and my next post Are you two on a Tinder date?
The other week I was able to get away to Bali for a few days. It was a trip to see a best gf and her family vacationing there, as well as have a little R & R from work. It was also a chance to go on a date or two in a place with options– because, hell yeah, it’s high season in Bali right now!!
High season in Bali = a shit load of hot, fit, surfer guys! Super-fuckable guys! Oh my fucking god, yes! My gf and I (okay, mostly me) were literally drooling looking at all the gorgeous men there at the moment. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen that many guys with six-packs all in one place! To say I was in heaven was an understatement. As for Tinder, well, I could barely keep up with the potential matching, and subsequent messaging. I matched with more guys in one day then I probably do in one month in Siem Reap- in part because I was uncharacteristically swiping right, and shouting out loud “Yes! Yes! Yes!” to so many of them. Okay, maybe not shouting “yes” quite like that. That kind of “orgasmic” yes-in-a-row I save for in the bedroom.
Right! Back to matching with heaps of guys- super hot guys. I then had a major dilemma! — “How do you narrow down the talent? Who do you choose to go on a date with, when you are overwhelmed with options for the first time in years?” Normally, I don’t message guys first- unless I’m pretty keen. You’re damn right I was keen, and with only four days in Bali, time was of the essence! I also thought it would be pretty sweet to have one of those holiday romance kind-of-fling-things.
Now, what single girl doesn’t want a holiday romance-fling, especially on a beach holiday? Picture it- days filled with lazy mornings in bed after all-night sex sessions, then another session in the afternoon after you two come back from surfing. Well more likely, him surfing, and you dozing off on the beach whilst working on your tan. After, ordering take away, because you don’t want to waste time getting dressed and going out, when time is so much better spent rubbing your hands down his wash-board stomach —
Oh wait, sorry, none of that ever happended, even though that’s what I was ultimately dreaming of. No, it doesn’t only happen in movies but, sometimes the timing just isn’t right- as in mine. A four day family holiday, with limited, precious time as Auntie Joss, is not conducive to a sex-a-thon/romance fling-thing. Not that I didn’t have an actual offer for one but, I got turned off from meeting him after he sent me one of those unsolicited dick pics — and it was flaccid at that! Ughh!
Now, that doesn’t mean I wasn’t going to have a date with a hot guy still, so back to narrowing it down. I ended up messaging quite a lot with four guys who both wanted and were able to meet when I could. Saturday night was out, as I was babysitting til 1am, which at this point left anytime Friday, or my last day on Sunday. Crappy, limited wifi had made keeping in touch a bit more tricky, however, so Sunday was “Date Day”. It would be the perfect way to end my trip.
You want to know what happened, don’t you? Your asking yourself “Which renowned Bali beach bar did they go to?” or “Dinner with seasonal seafood?” maybe “An afternoon surf lesson?” — What part of “What happens in Bali, stays in Bali” makes you think I’m actually going to spill the beans?
Okay, okay! — Well, let’s say it didn’t quite work out to have a proper date. We met just before I was heading to the airport for my 130am flight. — Yes, I can confirm he was hot- ✔, fit- ✔, and had one of those wash-board stomachs- ✔. — The rest, well you’ll just have to use your imagination as What happens in Bali, stays in Bali…
Read my upcoming posts for more dating adventures, antics, and mishaps as I continue my search for Mr. Right. If you enjoyed What happens in Bali, stays in Bali, then look out for my next post Lock up your sons! — There’s a Cougar on the loose! You can follow me here, or like my FB page https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/