If you’ve read some of my posts before, you might remember me telling you about a few memorable or even game changer kisses—
There was that one time when I went on multiple dates with four “Bachelors” over ten days, and when Bachelor #1 kissed me on our fourth date, I was breathless after. Then there was Mr. Austria. I already knew he would end up to be my Mr. Right-Now, but — when he pinned me up against the wall and kissed me as we left the bar, it was all I could do not to rip his clothes off there and then! Ohhh, I’m feeling quite flushed right now remembering that super hot, hot, hot kiss! Then there was the 22 year old, who grabbed me and kissed me as we were saying goodbye outside a bar- 15 mins later he was in my bed…
Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about this. I reckon even day dreaming about it too. As a single woman, I’m guilty of romanticizing and fantasizing about what I want from and with a man. Admittedly, my fantasies fall in line more with 50 Shades of Grey, and I often convince myself that that is all I care about. – Especially as, if you don’t have good sexual chemistry with your partner, then why bother? When I am in this mode of thought, I don’t think much about kissing- okay- maybe that initial kiss, where the guy pins you up against a wall… It’s sensual and it’s so damn hot, you forget about kissing any longer as you’re already in the midst of ripping each other’s clothes off… — But this, this doesn’t EVER — HAPPEN — ENOUGH!
So what about those other kisses? The ones we often romanticize about?
These are the kind of kisses I’ve been thinking about more recently- where you may or may not even be that attracted to the person, but then he kisses you- and the way he kisses you makes you forget you ever thought you weren’t interested. Or- these kisses might also remind you how much you do enjoy kissing, even though you have tried to convince yourself that you don’t care about it, or that you’d rather skip kissing- and go straight to sex- afraid of all the emotions tied to it.
Let me tell you about one of those other kisses.
I was on a first date with a guy who I was keen to know more about. We’d been getting to know each other for a few days already. So, the first time he kissed me we were spending the evening in at his. It was our first date, but the third time we’d met up after messaging constantly for the last five days. We ordered in wine and cheese. We listened to music. We talked, and talked. We had a few interests in common, and even discovered that we’d been to Oktoberfest in Munich in the same year. It felt serendipitous.
I remember him getting up, maybe to pour more wine. And then he kissed me. He came up behind me and kissed the back of my neck. I remember gasping- surprise and pleasure rolled into one. Then he moved in front of me and kissed me again.
Maybe it was the wine. Maybe it’s because he started with the back of my neck- which is the surest way to get my clothes off! Opps, maybe I’m not supposed to admit that here… But when he kissed me on the lips, I swear there were fireworks! That sexual chemistry and connection you have with someone- this was it! And I just wanted more. Not sex, but kissing- I had no idea how much I had been missing it, I had no idea how much I needed it.
That one kiss ended up being more meaningful than I could ever have realized at the time. It was that first kiss- in forever, that I got lost in. I got hooked. In that instant, he became my drug. — You see, I didn’t know it, but I had essentially been going through withdrawal. I knew being at his place might lead to something, but I’d also thought I could handle a silly kiss. What I didn’t connect until later, was that it had been almost one year not only since I had been touched by a man, but more significantly, that long since I’d been kissed!
Letting him kiss me when no one else had, giving myself to him in this way, and letting myself feel, made me vulnerable. It was November 2020, and I was also hopeful I might have found a potential Mr. Right—
Except- I ended up being very wrong, and very hurt in the ensuing relationship. By the time January rolled around, I’d even decided I didn’t want to date for awhile.
Then I had my first kiss of 2021!
This kiss. It was everything I wanted it to be. It was everything I’d already imagined it could be- I had already been envisioning it. So, when he grabbed me and kissed me, and pushed me up against the bar- it was intoxicating! I didn’t want it to stop. It was also one step forward in my healing from that last guy I kissed- the one who also broke me. Then to top off this kiss, I went home with him for nothing more than to fall asleep in his arms. It was beautiful. It was perfect. I remember sighing with contentment as I drifted off to sleep. When I woke up and rolled over a while later, then he kissed me – again.
I remember thinking as I left his house, that I couldn’t remember the last time a man held me in his arms like that. Being kissed by him, laying in his arms- another game changer. Healing- absolutely. Rebound- most probably. Building my trust in men again- slowly. Reminding me that I’ll be okay to date again in the future, and that there will be good, decent men to date- definitely.
Writing this now I realize, that besides that fact I obviously watch too many Hallmark movies, all I want at this moment is more kisses like that. I’m already picturing them. No strings, no expectations. Just another story, and hopefully again soon, where I might get to say “And then he kissed me.”…