When did dating become such a game?
Okay, I know– there are quite a few books written about this because it’s not actually an entirely new concept. I’ve even read one such book The Game when I was dating a guy who happened to have a copy. He “apparently” borrowed it from a friend. – Well, if that wasn’t a red flag, I don’t know what is?! If only I’d actually paid more attention at the time, I might have saved myself a lot of heartache. Anyways, I decided to read it as I was curious about what was being purported to men about dating advice. That was a few years ago now, and the dating game seems to be ever evolving, in part because of dating apps such as Tinder.
“When did dating become so complicated?”
Tinder has pretty much changed the face of dating. Traditionally, a guy would have to have gotten up the courage to go over to a girl in a bar, say hi, likely offer to buy her a drink, and try to hold what he hopes to be, engaging conversation. Now instead, he can be hidden behind a Smart phone, sending a first message that says nothing more than “Hi!”. I’ve been noticing recently, however, more and more guys who state on their profile something along the lines of “It’s cool if a girl sends the first message”. If the latter is the new standard- and more men are expecting women to make the first move online or in a bar- then we better throw out the outdated books targeted to women about dating.- Namely, the “How to’s” to get that man/husband you’ve always wanted. You know, the ones which basically state a woman should play hard to get, and only ever wait for a man to contact her.
As mentioned in one of my first posts, last year I was quite down about the dating scene in Siem Reap, and more so after dating a guy here who turned out to be just another player. A gf thought I wasn’t projecting myself right, and suggested I read one of those books about “How to do the right things” so I will attract the “right” men to date. I downloaded the recommended book sample on Amazon, but quickly realized it was very old-fashioned, and so not me! Here’s the thing though– why does there have to be all these rules on what to do and what not to do when you meet someone, or even just to meet someone? Am I only allowed to message a guy first if he suggests it on his profile? Or must I always patiently wait “ready” to be chased? When did dating become so complicated?
Here’s a recent example. A couple months back I matched with someone on Tinder, who at the time was an expat here. Within a couple messages, he then found me on Facebook and messaged me on Messenger. He initiated both conversations, and also admitted he had seen my picture on a local Facebook group page and thought I was “cute”. With a shortage of single men- who are not players and live here– I was keen to meet and see if we would have any connection. A few times I asked when he was free, at which he never answered. However, he did reply to other parts of our conversations, which included saying he was still interested to meet.
In the end, we never did meet because “He didn’t like that I was chasing him, which didn’t allow him to chase me.” What the fuck?! This was to meet for a first date, not to get married! It turns out, he was just playing the “Game”, and he obviously didn’t like how I did it! For me though, my time is valuable and I prefer not to waste it messaging for days or weeks, just to find out there isn’t any chemistry when I finally do meet someone in person.
“One of the most important aspects in the dating game is the chase. Everyone loves the thrill of the chase, especially when its reward is a relationship with someone you’re incredibly attracted to.”Prather, Molly. “How to Understand the Chase in Dating.” Dating Tips – Match.com, https://datingtips.match.com/understand-chase-dating-5704718.html.
Let’s talk more about the “Chase”. Who doesn’t want what they seemingly can’t have, or is hard to get? This is where the chase becomes fun, enticing or exciting, and can make the other person even more alluring and attractive. It can also be a challenge, and who doesn’t like a good challenge? I get it though, being chased can also be a turn-off. Even I tend to get turned-off by a guy who comes on too strong, or messages too much. Here’s the problem then — If “you” don’t like when I do the chasing, and I don’t always like when “you” chase me, then how the fuck are we ever going to go on a god damn date?! In an ideal world, men and women shouldn’t have to play this cat and mouse game of when it’s okay to text, to call, or to meet.
“I don’t play games — unless it’s in the bedroom.”
What if then, as mentioned above, a guy states on his bio “A girl messaging first is hot!”? These guys like girls who take initiative, who make the first move. Maybe they’re also the shy type, who secretly like to be dominated in the bedroom? Or they’re just a modern guy, who doesn’t follow any rules of how the dating game is supposed to be played, as written in so many books. Maybe, they don’t have any preconceived notions of what a “good” girl is supposed to be- essentially the idea that a girl is only good if she waits to be asked out, chased, or “plays” hard to get. Maybe he doesn’t give a fuck if she is a good girl, and in fact, he likes her more if she is a bad girl. Regardless, at least he’s given his preference for a girl to make the first move, which is a lot clearer than the common game that so many men expect us to play.
You probably have a pretty good idea of what I think of the “Game”, but if not, and this is specifically directed to all those men out there playing it — If you’re not man enough to sometimes let a confident woman do the chasing, even though this might not be your norm, then you can fuck right off and find another girl to chase! — Just to make it very clear gentlemen, I don’t play games — unless it’s in the bedroom.
If you liked The “Game”, follow me here, or like my FB page https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/ for updates of when new posts are coming out about some dating antics and adventures, as well as my next post Fairytale Date–✔