The One that isn’t the One

So you guys probably guessed from the title, that this post is obviously not about me finding Mr. Right.

In my debut post I talked about my Mr. Right checklist and some of the things he needs to tick off to be eligible to be the one. As it’s been almost a year since that first post was published, and also for any of you new readers out there, I reckon it’s time to do a quick recap. What are the things Mr. Right has to embody for me to even think he could be the one? In no particular order:

• Fit, superfuckable hot, fit, Calvin Klein model hot, fit! Did I mention fit?
• Probably falls in the age range of 30-45 yrs old. Yes, I’m attracted to and generally tend to go for much younger men, but realistically, I often worry that if they’re too young, they might not be ready to swear off children- which is definitely a deal breaker with me.
• Travels! Loves to travel, life is travel, travel is the air he breathes, oh, and he’s likely a Digital Nomad so he can well, fucking travel!
• Kids is not a word in his vocabulary.
• Kind, funny, intelligent, compassionate, and passionate.
• Speaking of passionate, he needs to be passionate “in the bedroom”. If he isn’t an amazing lover, and got some 50 Shades of Grey tricks up his sleeve, I’ll be bored quickly and will say bye-bye!

So, it’s got to take a pretty special guy for me to even take notice, let alone start to think “What if this could be the one?” Is it even possible that I could think that after only one or two dates? What would need to happen, or be said that could make me feel that way? What kind of connection would there need to be that would make me feel so enraptured? And let’s say it was over a daytime coffee-lunch date, where we didn’t kiss, and also means he hadn’t yet shown me his prowess as a lover —

Well, I went on a first date the other week, and I truly thought he could be the one! Most notably, I felt we had a great connection. I remember feeling like I really wanted to touch him, and kiss him- things I only want to do when I feel great chemistry with a guy. We spent four hours together, conversation was easy. I remember laughing. He saw me close to tears when a friend hugged me, and he didn’t run away! And he shared a personal tragedy with me, that made him seem very real and vulnerable. Also notable, he’d ticked 5/6 on the Mr. Right checklist above!

Here’s the thing though, looking back I can chalk up those after-date thoughts to a couple major factors. First, I’d already built him and the possibilites of him, up in my head based on a few text messages, as well as some hot as fuck Tinder pics. Second, there’s this thing going on right now, just in case you hadn’t heard about it, called Coronavirus. It turns out that it’s a fucking pandemic, and has been known to make normally rational people act and react in ways they might not normally. Emotions are heightened, feelings are intensified. I mean, with an impending apocolypse, who isn’t going to think that when you’ve just had a four hour date with someone who ticked more Mr. Right boxes on a first date than anyone else in the last few years that he could be the one?! Holy Shit!

This is now where you proceed to freak the fuck out because you’re also so scared of everything finding Mr. Right entails. My last post, Love, Actually, talked about this. Oh, and in case you hadn’t guessed already, my feelings surrounding meeting this guy inspired me to write that post! A post where I show my vulnerable self for once. Hmm, but now you might also be realizing, if he was a catalyst for that post because he was in the running for being Mr. Right, what happened in a short period of time, that he then became The One That Isn’t the One?

The answer: I guess I’d have to say I had my Love in the Time of Coronavirus blinders on, and subsequently, his words and actions- or let’s just say lack there of- made me see him a bit more clearly. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m sure he’s a decent guy, but I was starting to feel like he was the type of guy who showed up, as he enjoyed the attention I was giving him. So much so, I didn’t really feel like it was reciprocated. After the first date, he certainly didn’t take any initiative to meet again, and he didn’t really show much interest when we did. Maybe he was just looking for friendship? Maybe he was, as they say “Just not into you”? Yet, somehow we managed three dates over two weeks! — It could be maybe he’s got lots on his mind, or is busy with work? Or, maybe he’s just been too busy going on dates with you- as in the rest of you single ladies in Siem Reap? —

Whatever the reason, it doesn’t matter. I have too much self- respect to give my energy to a guy who not only doesn’t seem to make an effort to engage, but who also couldn’t be bothered to text and ask if I made it home safe after an evening of drinking wine poolside at his. Maybe my expectations are too high, but friendship and/or dating require that minimal amount of care, don’t they? Even though we discussed another date for drinks again, I haven’t messaged him. Not surprisingly, I haven’t heard from him either. During and since that last date, it’s really confirmed for me that he was not only not my Mr. Right, but was also a whole lot of Mr. Wrong.

I think I’ve now been on a date with almost all the stranded tourists here- there were only three weren’t there?? Well, I’ve got a date lined up later today with Stuck in Siem Reap- Bachelor #3. He doesn’t appear quite so fit-superfuckable-hot, which is where I always go wrong — I’m giving him a chance though, as the one for you might just be around the corner. Or maybe he could be a Mr. Right- Now, because it’s been way, way too damn long since I’ve had one of those!

Regardless, I do hope things get back to normal, with flights and borders opening up again soon. Not just for more date-able tourists, but so I can finally make my way to my next travel-live destination. After four years, my time in Siem Reap with limited dating options will be coming to an end. Don’t worry, I promise to keep writing and update you with lots more stories, as I continue my journey of looking for Mr. Right. I hope you’ll continue to join me too.

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If you enjoyed The One That Isn’t the One, look for the follow-up to Fairytale Date- ✔️ called Once upon a time in Singapore… You can also check out my previous posts below, if you haven’t already. Follow me here, or on FB https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/ to get notifications of new posts.