I got 99 problems but a dick ain’t one!

Have you ever dated someone and when it ended, you were worried you would run into them? Maybe you live in a small town like I do, so you know there’s a good chance you’ll end up seeing them at that one cafe you always go to? Or the supermarket? Maybe passing them on the street? If so, to avoid them you’d probably plan where you go. It might be for as little as avoiding awkwardness, or as much as avoiding confrontation. With everything going on in the world right now, feeling like you have to steer clear of the dick you dated is just one problem too many!

Life is about perspective. You might think you’re a lion…but to some people, you’re a dick.

My intention of this blog has always been to be a bit entertaining, funny, and light-hearted. Granted, since beginning it more than two years ago, I’ve also written a couple of heartfelt, vulnerable pieces. This story is a little different though. It’s a noteworthy part of my dating journey to find Mr. Right, nonetheless I’ve been reluctant to share it. I’ve struggled with how to tell it. I’ve never wanted a post to be on the more serious side, but for anyone who has dated, you’ll know that it’s not always good- that some people are not good. He was one of them.

We met on Halloween last year, in a bar in Siem Reap. Towards the end of the night he suggested I add him to Facebook. The next day, and the weeks following, he messaged me, a lot. I was interested to get to know him more, but as most of the single guys I’ve known here aren’t looking for a relationship, I was also cautious. I relaxed a bit when I found out we had 25 mutual friends on Facebook. He was your friend. He was your neighbor. He frequented your cafe or restaurant. He drank in your bar. He seemed like any other guy.

We dated for a couple of weeks, then he suddenly stopped replying to me. I was confused, especially as he had initiated a majority of the contact. I apologized, unsure of what I had done wrong. He finally replied saying he wasn’t actually looking for a relationship, and claimed to be “Siem Reap’s Biggest Fuck Boy”! I was pretty shocked, as his level of interest didn’t indicate either of these. He said he wanted to be friends – but with benefits. I wasn’t interested. We hadn’t had sex, why would I want to now? We agreed to be just friends.

Over the next six weeks, his actions would involve calling me names, belittling me, yelling and acting aggressive, and trying to make me feel guilty. A message I sent has “ruined his day off”. He blamed me for various things- it was my fault they’d happened. He never accepted responsibility for his actions.

In this time, he’s also already moved on to the next girl or two in town. He probably dated your friend. He may have dated you. When I confided in a friend, I found out about a girl a few months before me he treated the same. I’ve since heard of another one- she apparently had a panic attack when he walked into the bar she was alone in. Someone even created a fake Tinder profile to warn women against him. It turned out that I wasn’t the only one he did this to. In the end, each girls’ story about how he treated them is almost identical. He had a pattern.

Within these six weeks he had successfully managed to erode my confidence. The clincher was on New Year’s Eve. Dressed in a disguise, he walked into the bar I was in and talked to various people for at least thirty minutes. I had no idea it was him, until I looked over and saw he had removed the disguise and was now sitting across from me. Despite the fact we had only messaged yesterday, he didn’t speak to me. He acted like I wasn’t there. Then a girl walks in, who unbeknownst to him I happen to be friends with, and he chats her up. Upset by his behavior, I left the bar. I ended up on the side of a road, crumpled on the ground sobbing. I was so hurt that this person, who was supposed to be a friend, could treat me this way. I cared about him, but began to realize his relationship with me was destructive.

I find out the next day that when I left the bar, he had called me a bitch to my friend- the one he was seemingly trying to go home with. It was the final straw. That’s when I knew I had to remove him from my life. I blocked him on Facebook. Then I rarely left my house. I was afraid to run into him- afraid of possible confrontation. I knew his schedule, I knew where he ate. I knew where to avoid. I was also afraid of how I would react. I didn’t want him to see me cry. I didn’t want him to know the power he had gained over me.

For the next few months this was how I lived my life. I felt so broken by his words and actions, it took me months and months to begin to recover. I talked to friends. I wrote. I tried to write this post on at least five different occasions. Instead I wrote a poem. I read the poem at a public event. I cried often. I didn’t want to date.

I also reflected back on and questioned how I could get involved and then continue with a man who was so hurtful. I was angry with myself for letting this happen. I kept giving myself to him- I was vulnerable with him. I wanted to help him be a better man. I continued to interact with him regardless that what he said or did was hurtful. The few friends I talked to about him told me not to give him anymore of my time. However, I didn’t I listen to them and instead excused how he behaved.

Part of the problem was that in between his horrible actions and messages he was nice. A nice message, then one that blamed me. And repeat. The pattern. Another part was the brief role he played in my life. He was the only man who I kissed last year. I even refer to it in my post And then He kissed Me, it was that significant. I was also hopeful that I might have found Mr. Right. As a fellow digital nomad, he was a man that I had hoped we could travel the world together. I was guilty of romanticizing our relationship.

Although I feel like I have mostly recovered from my experience with him, I realize a small part of me still has not. The other week I was watching a TV show on Netflix and was triggered. This was when I truly realized what he did to me was abuse. Mental and emotional abuse. When I think of him words such as toxic, gaslighting, manipulation, control, and power come to mind. Certainly there are others, but I’ll let you come to your own conclusions.

During these last ten months, probably the most distressing thing I’ve grappled with though is the knowledge that he will continue to act the same, if not worse, to more women. I know of at least one woman whom he had been violent with- but that is her story to tell. Sadly, I can see how his need for power and control combined with his aggressiveness could lead to this. He will treat the next girl as badly as he treated me- as badly as he treated you. For this I can only hope karma catches up with him.

Fortunately, my story does have a happy ending. In July he left the country after three years of living in Siem Reap. For the first time in six months I didn’t have to worry about running into him when I left the house. The relief I felt was palpable. I felt like I was finally free again.

All the more apt, is that it’s been a year this weekend since I first met him. The painful memories have begun to fade. My confidence and mental strength have returned. I can now look back at this experience and am grateful for lessons learned. Writing this has been the hardest piece I’ve ever written, but I’m thankful to have gained the courage to share it here. Most importantly, I finally feel ready to date again. After almost one year, I’m keen to continue my journey of looking for Mr. Right.

Of course it probably also goes without saying, I can smile again knowing I got 99 problems but a dick ain’t one!

Continue reading “I got 99 problems but a dick ain’t one!”

Sex (less) in the City- 2 -The Saga continues

I had a dream the other night I was dating someone…

In it, I remember talking to my girlfriends about him. I remember them asking if I had had sex with him yet. I hadn’t, because I didn’t know him well enough to trust he wasn’t a player. It turns out that my friends knew him and said he was a great guy. I remember feeling both relief and excitement, because damn did I like him! I remember thinking maybe the next time we met —

And then I woke up!

When it came back to me later that day, it hit me that I didn’t even get to have sex in my dream! I also had the realization that I haven’t had sex since NYE of 2019! That’s pretty sad when you’re not even intentionally trying to be celibate! Of course, I could have slept with the only guy I dated and kissed last year, but fortunately I dodged a bullet by not, after finding out he called himself “Siem Reap’s Biggest Fuck Boy”! (Keep an eye on out for my next tell-all post dedicated to that brief, but horrible relationship.)

There was also the guy recently, that I wrote about at the end of my last blog post And then He kissed Me. One time he did make a drunken play, but how disastrous would that have been when we both have admitted to wanting different things? Add in the emotional attachment this would create for me, along with the distrust I have after my experience with “Siem Reap’s Biggest Fuck Boy”, and I’m pretty content leaving it at some great kisses.

That being said, now is by far the longest I have ever gone without sex! I’m sincerely starting to worry that I’ll forget what to do. It makes me wonder if it will be similar to speaking a language, such as “If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it”? Or will it be more like riding a bicycle? -Something you learned how to do a long, long time ago, but when you haven’t done it for awhile you’re clumsy and need that first initial ride, no pun intended, to remind both your body and brain how to do it again. Oh god! This surely means the first time I have sex, after at minimum eighteen months, its going to be bad! If that’s the case, maybe I shouldn’t be so picky about who I finally do have sex with?

In light of this recent epiphany of my unplanned celibacy, I’ve decided to re-evaluate my options:

  1. Do I lower my standards?…Since the sex is likely to be bad anyways.
  2. Do I hook up with someone who lives here, even though I’ve been steadfast in my rule not to ever do that? (Okay, there was that one guy a couple years ago…).
  3. Do I go on holiday to another city for “fresh meat” and discretion?
  4. Do I wait until the borders open and I can travel again?
  5. Do I go back on Tinder, when I haven’t been on it for over six months, and finally swipe right/say yes to one of the approximate fifty guys that have been recycled over and over through my feed for the past year? Men that I have adamantly not been attracted to. Or maybe I should expand my age range again?- I have met some pretty damn hot 22 and 23 year olds in the past…

If you were me, what would you do?

Back when I wrote Sex (less) in the City in April 2020, most of the world had or was going into lockdown. Siem Reap and the rest of Cambodia seemed like it might too. In the eventuation of this happening, I even changed my Tinder bio, which included “Looking for a serious relationship.” to “Come quarantine with me!” It didn’t really solicit the response I was hoping, in part because there was also a mass exodus of people leaving the city and country. If I thought options were bad then, little did I know they could get worse.

Now it’s May 2021. Half the world is still, or back in lockdown. Flights continue to be challenging to get, but many expats who didn’t leave last year are throwing in the towel and leaving now. Where does that leave dating in a would-be tourist town, when the dating pool is continually getting smaller and smaller? Zero tourists, and what feels like three single expat men- I know I’m picky, but this is getting seriously bad! Ugh!

To top it off, we’ve had our own lockdown, albeit short, recently in Siem Reap. Add in a now seemingly endless 8pm curfew and alcohol ban, and there are even less chances to meet someone out. Additionally, parts of the capital have simultaneously been in lockdown. That means, there goes option #3 above, for a holiday there and any chance of meeting some “fresh meat”. Furthermore, even if I did go, I’d likely have more of a possibility of getting stuck in a hotel room alone in quarantine, than meeting someone for a date. – And yes, I actually know someone this recently happened to! Not exactly what I had in mind for why I wouldn’t leave a hotel room for 48 hrs…

Oh, but wait, the unimaginable has just happened! I met someone new in town! It actually took all my willpower not to jump on him and claim him for myself! I really hope he couldn’t see that I’m as sex-starved as I feel. Did I play it cool? Fuck, I hope so! Although not normally my type, who am I to pass up a good looking guy who’s recently arrived to town? This pandemic is causing my rules to go out the window faster than I can remember them!

Luckily, I had even shaved my legs that day. It was the first time in a month, six weeks, or could it have actually been two months? Some might say it’s nice not to be worried about shaving legs or getting bikini waxes. Sure, I could save some money too. But I guess when I’ve done it in the past, there was always that anticipation of “just in case”. Although nothing eventuated from meeting this guy, I still felt better for having done it, instead of feeling like a Woolly Mammoth! Is it too much to hope what a bikini wax for the first time this year might bring?

This continued Sex (less) in the City matter is certainly making me re-think many things. Believe it or not, I’m actually re-considering my stance on unsolicited dick pics. Normally unwelcome, and a complete turn off, receiving one now feels like a new level of foreplay and excitement! What has the world come to when this is what I have most to look forward to?

A friend said something the other day which I thought was quite fitting of my elusive search: “Prince Charming is like some YouTube music on Instagram: ‘Not available in this country.’.” Unfortunately, it seems at the moment, finding either Mr. Right or a Mr. Right-Now, are both a fairytale. If I do though, you’ll be the first hear- especially if you’re my neighbor —

If you enjoyed this post, check out some of my previous posts, such as the prequel Sex (less) in the City, Are you my Mr. Right?, Lock up your sons! -There’s a Cougar on the loose!, and The First Time I Fell in Love. You can follow me here, or on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/

And then He kissed Me

If you’ve read some of my posts before, you might remember me telling you about a few memorable or even game changer kisses—

There was that one time when I went on multiple dates with four “Bachelors” over ten days, and when Bachelor #1 kissed me on our fourth date, I was breathless after. Then there was Mr. Austria. I already knew he would end up to be my Mr. Right-Now, but — when he pinned me up against the wall and kissed me as we left the bar, it was all I could do not to rip his clothes off there and then! Ohhh, I’m feeling quite flushed right now remembering that super hot, hot, hot kiss! Then there was the 22 year old, who grabbed me and kissed me as we were saying goodbye outside a bar- 15 mins later he was in my bed…

Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about this. I reckon even day dreaming about it too. As a single woman, I’m guilty of romanticizing and fantasizing about what I want from and with a man. Admittedly, my fantasies fall in line more with 50 Shades of Grey, and I often convince myself that that is all I care about. – Especially as, if you don’t have good sexual chemistry with your partner, then why bother? When I am in this mode of thought, I don’t think much about kissing- okay- maybe that initial kiss, where the guy pins you up against a wall… It’s sensual and it’s so damn hot, you forget about kissing any longer as you’re already in the midst of ripping each other’s clothes off… — But this, this doesn’t EVER — HAPPEN — ENOUGH!

So what about those other kisses? The ones we often romanticize about?

These are the kind of kisses I’ve been thinking about more recently- where you may or may not even be that attracted to the person, but then he kisses you- and the way he kisses you makes you forget you ever thought you weren’t interested. Or- these kisses might also remind you how much you do enjoy kissing, even though you have tried to convince yourself that you don’t care about it, or that you’d rather skip kissing- and go straight to sex- afraid of all the emotions tied to it.

Let me tell you about one of those other kisses.

I was on a first date with a guy who I was keen to know more about. We’d been getting to know each other for a few days already. So, the first time he kissed me we were spending the evening in at his. It was our first date, but the third time we’d met up after messaging constantly for the last five days. We ordered in wine and cheese. We listened to music. We talked, and talked. We had a few interests in common, and even discovered that we’d been to Oktoberfest in Munich in the same year. It felt serendipitous.

I remember him getting up, maybe to pour more wine. And then he kissed me. He came up behind me and kissed the back of my neck. I remember gasping- surprise and pleasure rolled into one. Then he moved in front of me and kissed me again.

Maybe it was the wine. Maybe it’s because he started with the back of my neck- which is the surest way to get my clothes off! Opps, maybe I’m not supposed to admit that here… But when he kissed me on the lips, I swear there were fireworks! That sexual chemistry and connection you have with someone- this was it! And I just wanted more. Not sex, but kissing- I had no idea how much I had been missing it, I had no idea how much I needed it.

That one kiss ended up being more meaningful than I could ever have realized at the time. It was that first kiss- in forever, that I got lost in. I got hooked. In that instant, he became my drug. — You see, I didn’t know it, but I had essentially been going through withdrawal. I knew being at his place might lead to something, but I’d also thought I could handle a silly kiss. What I didn’t connect until later, was that it had been almost one year not only since I had been touched by a man, but more significantly, that long since I’d been kissed!

Letting him kiss me when no one else had, giving myself to him in this way, and letting myself feel, made me vulnerable. It was November 2020, and I was also hopeful I might have found a potential Mr. Right—

Except- I ended up being very wrong, and very hurt in the ensuing relationship. By the time January rolled around, I’d even decided I didn’t want to date for awhile.

Then I had my first kiss of 2021!

This kiss. It was everything I wanted it to be. It was everything I’d already imagined it could be- I had already been envisioning it. So, when he grabbed me and kissed me, and pushed me up against the bar- it was intoxicating! I didn’t want it to stop. It was also one step forward in my healing from that last guy I kissed- the one who also broke me. Then to top off this kiss, I went home with him for nothing more than to fall asleep in his arms. It was beautiful. It was perfect. I remember sighing with contentment as I drifted off to sleep. When I woke up and rolled over a while later, then he kissed me – again.

I remember thinking as I left his house, that I couldn’t remember the last time a man held me in his arms like that. Being kissed by him, laying in his arms- another game changer. Healing- absolutely. Rebound- most probably. Building my trust in men again- slowly. Reminding me that I’ll be okay to date again in the future, and that there will be good, decent men to date- definitely.

Writing this now I realize, that besides the fact I obviously watch too many Hallmark movies, all I want at this moment is more kisses like that. I’m already picturing them. No strings, no expectations. Just another story, and hopefully again soon, where I might get to say “And then he kissed me.”…

If you enjoyed this post, check out some of my previous posts, such as Love, actually and The First Time I Fell in Love. You can follow me here, or on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/

Chivalry isn’t Dead

Dating was difficult in 2020 and prospects still don’t look much better at the start of 2021. The last person I dated also ended in catastrophe- so much so, I’m not sure when I’ll be emotionally capable to write about it here. Instead, I want to share about one of the nicest dates I’ve ever been on. It was back in May 2019.

Let’s start with the most important information first though- Sam. 26. Australian. Hot as fuck!

Having had just sold a business in Melbourne- because that’s what you do when you’re a 26 year old entrepreneur- Sam had decided to do some traveling. This also coincided with it being his 27th birthday.

We matched on Tinder, and had two dates during the two days he was in Siem Reap.

Picture it— This hot, 26 year old Aussie sends the first message and shortly after asks for recommenations on good local places to eat. You reply with two options- one very reasonably priced, the other on the higher end. A few minutes later he replies, thanking you, as having looked at the menus, he thinks both look amazing. He then asks if you would like to join him for dinner at the nicer one, as it was the least he could do for you suggesting such a great place.

Wait! What just happened?

A guy on Tinder just asked me on a date! It took me a moment to reply, as it was such an extraordinary situation, that I was actually speechless! Sure, I have had invitations to meet for a coffee or drinks, and sometimes the guy has insisted on paying, but this was the first time a Tinder match had actually asked me to go on a proper date which even included a nice restaurant.

For those of you not familiar with Tinder, it’s a “dating” app- or at least that’s what it was launched to be- but quickly turned into a “hook-up” app. Admittedly, I‘m even guilty of abusing it that way sometimes. As I also go on dates with mainly tourists, it’s surprising if they don’t try to get me to go home with them. When the standard is also that a guy asks for my WhatsApp number- just so he can send me an unsolicited dick pic or request nude selfies, you can imagine my shock when a guy asks me out for dinner.

Back to Sam and being asked out on a date! Obviously I said yes! I also suggested we start the evening with cocktails at my favorite bar- a speak-easy called Menaka. We will meet there later that night.

On arrival, the lights are low, we have the place to ourselves. We talk and lose track of time, it’s tempting to forego dinner. — But, we’re both admittedly hungry, so we head to The Sugar Palm for their last seating of the night. Cocktails, beautiful food, a bottle of wine, great conversation- it was a perfect date!

During our evening, Sam had asked for suggestions for what he should do the next day. Knowing he was already seeing the temples in the daytime, I mentioned the local circus in the evening was a must see. He asked if I would join him. Of course I said yes- as I already knew I wanted to see him again. I made it conditional though- he had to let me buy the tickets, as he had insisted on paying for everything for us this evening.

As the circus didn’t start until 8pm, Sam messaged in the afternoon to invite me to his hotel for a twilight swim. This time of year, close to summer solstice and during sunset, the light in the sky is magical. It can be equally romantic and seductive. Add in wine, then Sam kissing me- well we almost didn’t make it to the circus —

Phare Circus is always amazing to see, whether it’s your third time, like mine, or a first- such as for Sam. Great entertainment with the added bonus of knowing proceeds go back into education and training for disadvantaged children creates a pretty memorable experience. After, we went for dinner and then to the bar next door for a couple of cocktails.

During cocktails we talked about how Sam was headed in the morning to the capital city of Phnom Penh, where he would celebrate his birthday. I suggested he should stay in Siem Reap instead. He asked me to join him. In the end, neither worked out, as his flight home in two days time was from Phnom Penh, and I had to work. So this is where we said our goodbyes- but not necessarily where our story ends…

Although I feel I don’t really care about going on proper dates, and I certainly never think a guy should buy my drinks when I meet him, it was really lovely when Sam made an effort to go somewhere nice and insist on paying. It was chivalrous, it was romantic. He also didn’t make a play for sex. For two nights I had a guy actually want to enjoy my company and get to know me- and with my clothes on. It made me feel special and valued- it tugged a bit at my heart strings. Thank you Sam for being such a gentleman and treating me so well.

It’s hard to believe as I write this that it’s almost two years since we first met. We still keep in touch. We’ve reminisced about our dates, and how we wish we could go on one again. Maybe it’s wistful- in light of all going on in the world. Maybe it’s memories of kissing in that pool. I definitely wish I had called in sick, and had had two more days of a holiday romance- more of kissing Sam in a pool, in a hotel room bed… Or maybe it has to do with feeling respected and valued. It’s these poignant memories that remind me that good guys are still out there- it might just take me moving to Melbourne to get one—

If you enjoyed this post, check out some of my previous posts, such as Love, actually and The First Time I Fell in Love. You can follow me here, or on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/

The First Time I Fell in Love

The first time I fell in love I was seven years old.

Okay, maybe it wasn’t actually love. A crush? Puppy love? What would you call it? — What I do know is, his name was Gary, he was two years older than me, and also the neighbor boy of my grandparents.

Shortly after starting primary school, I had begun spending summer holidays on my grandparent’s farm. – A place that I now think of as “my happiest place on earth”. Let’s go back to the beginning though. How was it even possible to like a boy at age seven? Didn’t boys have cooties then? Could he have been the only one who didn’t?

I remember hanging out with him and my brother, often riding dirt bikes around the fields, or sometimes playing ‘Hide & Seek’. — Except, Gary and I would often hide together, holding hands when no one saw. I also remember a lot of times my brother wasn’t there. So young, no one thought any different when we went off to play. The first time we kissed I was seven or eight years old. Okay, I don’t remember that one- not that clumsy peck on the lips kind, but it likely happened in a hay barn- our most coveted place to hide or spend time in at either farm.

This continued for three years. By then, I was spending two months of summer holidays at my grandparents, and was usually there for Easter and Christmas as well. Our hiding in hay barns was possible quite a bit throughout the year. I remember though, one holiday Gary just stopped coming over. I think he may have liked some other girl- one he could see at school everyday. I was ten and didn’t really understand. I also didn’t stop liking him.

Then one evening in the summer before I started high school, Gary came over with his parents. I was twelve and going into grade eight, and it was obvious things had changed. Here he was, standing in my grandparents house- a place he had avoided for the last two years. I remember that we went for a walk. He would have held my hand. I know my heart fluttered. — And somewhere after that moment, he kissed me. A proper kiss. My first real kiss with the boy I had liked since I could remember. It was magical.

Our love continued that summer and the year after. For two years I couldn’t wait to see and kiss him every upcoming holiday. I don’t know why, but we never told anyone. Of course, it wasn’t easy for a twelve year old girl to just hang out with a fourteen year old boy. Fortunately, our families were such good friends, and usually saw each other weekly. There were also the few occasions, where my brother still happened to come for some of the holiday as well. I remember one time he wanted to play ‘Harry Houdini’ and asked us to tie him up. He would then try to escape. We readily agreed, as how lucky could we be?! Whilst my brother was in one room trying to escape for half an hour, Gary and I got to kiss in the other!

Those couple summers, those school holidays in between, I remember laying in the grass together and looking at the constellations in the sky. I remember other times, holding hands under a blanket on the couch, our families having coffee in the kitchen. I remember kissing, and thinking that he would be the first guy I would sleep with. I remember thinking that one day, we would get married.

At such a young age, I had ideals of fairy tale relationships and marriage. I was sweetly naive to heartbreak. I didn’t know love didn’t always last forever. It was impossible to think that Gary wouldn’t be mine forever- especially as he came back to me. Already at the age of twelve or thirteen, I had gained romantic notions of relationships, yet felt the need for secrecy. I clearly had watched Dirty Dancing a few too many times.

Why I am telling you all this? Well, the other night I was watching a Hallmark movie about two people who reconnect after being best friends from neighboring farms, back when they were twelve years old. It reminded me of when I was that same age. I also lost my beloved grandma a few months ago. Combined, they brought out feelings. Loss. Love. Innocence. Longing. Nostalgia.

It is bittersweet to look back on those memories. I sigh and smile at the innocence of it all, but that it can also never be regained. Watching that movie made me wistful of a time when loving someone was simpler. Of course, dating was easier then too. How often did you go out with someone in high school just because they were interested in you? Or maybe that was only me. — It was also the reason I stopped being interested in Gary. If I had had more self-esteem and confidence then, I might not have gotten caught up in the attention another boy gave me.

Fast forward to the present. Here I am searching for my Mr. Right. I now have ridiculously high standards that this man will have to meet. I no longer just date a guy because he flirts with me. I now have the confidence to know what I want, as well as my self-worth. Maybe this has also made things more complicated.

Sometimes, I dream of it being simple again. – That I don’t know of it being any different. Deep down, maybe all I really want is that farm boy next door, to sweep this “farm girl at heart” off her feet. A down-to-earth gentleman. One who wants to kiss under the stars, who wants to hold hands- hold me, and who will remind me how sweet and beautiful falling in love can be. No games, just honest, simple, and pure.

Something tells me, I probably won’t find this on Tinder

If you enjoyed this post, then follow me here, or on https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/ for new posts. You can also check out some of my previous writing below, such as Once upon a time in Singapore…, Sex (less) in the City, Lock up your sons! — There’s a Cougar on the Loose!, Are you my Mr. Right?, and Love, actually.

Tinder Profiles -101- for Men!

All right guys! Guys as in men! Isolation is almost over everywhere around the world, dating is getting back into full swing again. It’s the perfect time to spruce up and sort out your profiles on Tinder, or Bumble, or whatever app you use to date, or get laid on. Let’s be honest, because what guy nowadays actually uses Tinder looking for a sincere date/relationship? Anyways, regardless what dating app you single guys are on, for whatever reason, the following info is for you!

In my opinion, I would say at least 50% of men’s profiles on Tinder are ridiculous, and by ridiculous, I do not mean funny. I don’t get it- and I’m not the only one. My gf’s who are on these apps now, or who have been on in the past, agree with me. None of us can understand why there are so many profiles that are so bad, specifically photo-wise. Okay, yes, sometimes my gf’s and I laugh at them- but not in a way that means we are ever going to match you. There have been many a night over drinks when we were highly entertained by, let’s just call it the “fuckwittery” of these profiles. We might be laughing, but it is never going to get you a date. If you’re looking to get lucky, well there’s even less chance of that happening.

Don’t worry, I’m here to help! I’ve taken it upon myself to complile a list of 10 things many of my gf’s and I do not find attractive in a profile. Please stop doing them! Here they are in no particular order:

  1. Cars! We don’t want to see any pictures of only your car! Oh, and definitely not more than one photo of it! This really goes for anything actually. Not 7 pictures of only your cat, not 5 pictures of only your garden. You, you should be in the photos!
  2. One photo! -Even worse, it’s a horrendous bathroom mirror selfie! You have friends- please get them to take one of you next time you see them!- Hey, it’s a bit of a concept but, you could even get a picture with a friend… Ask your family. Ask a stranger! I don’t care who, it doesn’t have to be professional! Do I need to send out an SOS for you? “Help! Can someone please take a fucking picture of this guy?” Ughh!
  3. Pictures that do not look like you at all! I’m not talking about cat-fishing either. What I mean is, do not use photos from 5 or 10 years ago when you had hair and a six-pack- when clearly you are now 20 kgs heavier with a beer belly and also bald!
  4. Food! This is not Instagram! We don’t give a shit that you had sushi at some point in your life! If you like it so much, write it in your bio. Please, do not put a ratio of 75% food pictures to 25% of you! If you must show photos of food, then please, at least be in them!
  5. Gym pics! Really? Even if you’re fit as fuck, stop taking fucking photos at the gym of yourself. You’re there to workout- go do that!
  6. Every photo is a group photo! Look at you sharing pictures of you and all your friends. Fantastic that you have friends- gold star for you! However, if we can’t obviously see who you are in those 8 group photos you put up, we are not going to want to match with you! In the time it took to figure out who you were, we’ve already lined up a date with someone else. Bye-bye!
  7. Snapchat filter/photoshop! Leave the snapchat filter of cute bunny-rabbit-sparkly-faces to the girls. Unless your niece is in the photo with you- don’t do it! Yes, there’s a double standard here- get over it! Oh, and I don’t know what app it is, but on a few occasions a guy has shrunk his head, or put a sticker on his face of one of his photos. Seriously, what the fuck?! Why? Just don’t!
  8. A blurry, pixelated photo of your face! -And that’s the only picture with you/your face in it! I’m going to need a drink soon!
  9. Travel photos or landscape pictures with no actual person in them! Hey, travel photos are cool, but again, this is not fucking Instagram. *Hot tip: You can connect them in your bio if you’re that excited to show off those travel pics. Or happen to be slightly arrogant and think you’re a shit-hot photographer taking pics with your iPhone 11.
  10. Dick- pics!- Okay, we know you can’t get away with putting one on Tinder or Bumble, so when you connect with a girl off the app- for the love of god, please do not send her an unsolicited dick pic! I repeat, do not! Not cool= unmatch!

Now here are 10 suggestions of things girls would actually like or enjoy seeing on your profile. You never know, these things might help you score a date with that girl who has the great rack or ass- and who knows what can happen from there… Again, in no particular order:

  1. A photo with you and friends/family/colleagues.
  2. A picture with you and an animal. Cats, dogs, rabbits, feeding llamas? Domestic or farm, it doesn’t matter. However, unless you’re a mahout, you probably shouldn’t be close enough to get a photo of you and that elephant. Really, if it’s a wild animal, why/how are you even near it?- Unless it’s dead?! If that’s the case, then you just went on the Blacklist mate!
  3. Doing an activity that you like, such as a hobby, travel, or sport.
  4. You have more than 1 or 2 photos.
  5. Your photos look like you look now.
  6. Writing something in the bio space. When you do this, it also needs to say something other than “I don’t know what to say” or “If you want to know more, just ask.” Please, please show you have a personality in that head of yours.
  7. If you match with a girl, and she has a bio, please fucking read it before you ask her “Where are you from?” when it states it in her bio. Don’t be so fucking lazy- that’s not attractive.
  8. At least one decent photo with no sunnies on. I get it, I hate my picture taken too, so I often hide behind sunnies, but seriously, eyes! Girls want to see your eyes.
  9. Now this is subjective, but in my personal opinion, if you are super fuckable hot with a six-pack, then I am all for a photo of you showing that off! At the beach, in a pool, riding a horse! Bonus points for riding a horse if you look like that! Just had a flashback of Mr. Austria who did that. My gf’s and I drooled over that profile photo for weeks to come I may have had a few more reasons to as well…
  10. Be yourself. Smile. Be genuine. Girl’s like that!

There you have it men! A short list of 10 things to do and 10 things not to do to up your dating game on your profile. It’s not complicated. So much so, the majority of us girls manage to do most of them. Listen- I get it might seem a bit overwhelming at first. I promise though, I’m just trying to help you guys out here, and I hope to see some of you take this feedback on board. As much as I, and many girls around the world may have been entertained, we look forward to seeing some updated profiles where a bit more effort has been put in. In the meantime, maybe I should start a Tinder Profiles -101- For Men consultancy class? Good luck guys! Remember, it won’t hurt to try. Really, what’s the worst that could happen?- You might get lucky?…

If you enjoyed this post, then follow me here, or on https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/ for new posts. You can also check out some of my previous writing below, such as Once upon a time in Singapore…, Sex (less) in the City, Lock up your sons! -There’s a Cougar on the Loose!, Are you my Mr. Right?, and Love, actually.

Once upon a time in Singapore…

There once was a girl who, a few years earlier, had been on a fairytale date with a handsome, charming man, whilst on holiday in Australia. They kept in touch over the years, and finally the time had come for them to meet again- this time in Singapore. As the girl was currently living in Cambodia, it was only a two hour flight to get there. Here tells the story of how this girl and boy met once again for another fairytale date.

*Check out the prequel post Fairytale Date in the link below to read all about that first date* https://areyoumymrrightcom.wordpress.com/2019/12/01/fantasy-date-%e2%9c%94/

It’s the morning of my flight to Singapore, and excitement is an understatement! It has been almost four years since Matthew and I had finally met in person, and had our first date. This second date was long overdue! Having left my house at 7am, with an 830am flight out of Siem Reap, a layover in Kuala Lumpur, and a short flight delay, I didn’t land in Singapore until 430pm. Add getting through the airport and the taxi ride there, it was after 530pm when I finally arrived to the Hilton at Orchard Road, where my date Matthew was staying.

When my taxi pulled up to the hotel, I experienced a complete “Bachelorette” moment- the part where it shows the man watch the woman arrive and get out of the car. It was super surreal! There he was, after all these years, looking just as handsome as ever, and in a suit no less. Good thing I packed a couple of very nice dresses! We headed back to the room so I could freshen up before our 645pm dinner reservation. Matthew had already taken the liberty of ordering champagne for us, which was sitting on ice ready and waiting. I know I shouldn’t have been that surprised considering our last date, but when the room was actually a suite and there was a bottle of Perriet Jouet champagne to drink while I got ready for dinner, I was pretty blown away. Things were getting off to a fucking amazing start!

Okay- let’s rewind a moment and just take this all in. A five star hotel with Cartier and Rolex as it’s shops on the ground floor, a hotel suite boasting two bathrooms, a huge bath tub, lounge, two balconies, and chilled champagne on arrival- Holy shit! Could this get any better??!! Oh it does, because this is only the beginning, and we still had 23 hrs left of our date!

After doing a quick catwalk of the dress choices, I put on Matthew’s pick, and we headed downstairs to our town car, complete with chauffeur, to take us to our dinner destination. We arrived just in time for sunset. Being Singapore, I knew there were no shortage of fantastic dinner venues to go to, and that the sky was the limit on where we could dine. Little did I know that was literally the case when we arrived to the Marina Bay Sands Hotel and went up 57 floors to the roof top for dinner at Ce La Vi. Fucking wow! I remember taking pictures of this iconic structure on my first trip to Singapore, knowing I could never afford even one drink there. Now, however, I was being escorted with Matthew to our window table!

On being sat, our host asked if we wanted a sommelier. Originally saying yes, Matthew then suggested we stick with “bubbles”. As if I was going to say no to that! Matthew then ordered us a bottle of Dom Perignon!! I think I was actually fucking speechless there for a moment! I don’t generally get impressed easily, but never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I would be causally sipping on one of the best vintage champagnes produced, and on a date no less.

Anybody who knows me, knows I am far from materialistic, and could care less about brand names. However, after working in hospitality for almost 13 years- where I first learnt about Dom Perignon champagne, as well as living predominantly on a modest budget for the last +17 years, I could appreciate how special this night was. I also felt lucky to be spending it with someone who was so thoughtful and generous.

”Dom Perignon has become the most celebrated brand of premium quality champagnes on the planet.”


By the way, the champagne was absolutely fucking phenomenal! Dinner was great, and dessert was to die for! Ce La Vie is an asian restaurant, so we shared some yummy dishes, then a Chocolate Lava Cake complete with dry ice- it looked like it was erupting! After, we decided to check out the bar on the patio for cocktails. We had a couple drinks there, then Matthew suggested we go to a new bar that had just won heaps of awards. Not surprisingly being a Saturday, it was at capacity, and although he tried, money couldn’t buy us past the waitlist. We ended up enjoying cocktails next door until the bar closed at 1am.

Pleasantly tipsy, we asked our driver to take us back to the hotel. So, now this is where things get tricky. I’m staying in Matthew’s hotel room with him, there is only one, albeit huge, bed. He has paid for everything, except my flight, and Singapore is not cheap! He is attractive- although older than what I normally go for, considerate, charming, intelligent, and a great conversationalist. The evening was nothing short of a Hollywood movie script.- An ordinary girl who grew up with money always being tight, who then meets a handsome, sophisticated man. This man organizes and takes her on a date to one of the best restaurant and bars in the world, and proceeds to pay for it all with his black Amex card. It’s a little bit like a Cinderella story- girl meeting up with what could be her handsome prince but, the “ball” this time, just happens to be Singapore! Except—

Not used this type of lavishness, and in general, not letting a guy even buy me a drink at a bar, as “he might expect something in return”, you can imagine how I felt a bit like the character Julia Roberts plays in Pretty Woman. I mean, wouldn’t a guy who paid for everything expect sex, especially when I’m staying with him? Is there obligation now? Okay, I know you all want to know, the burning question. “Did you sleep with him?” Well, we’ll get back to that question later. In the meantime…

It’s the morning, and both of us luckily feel only slightly worse for wear. We headed to the VIP Executive Lounge for a buffet breakfast with proper espresso coffee. After, we spent the next couple hours lounging poolside, before going downstairs for lunch on Orchard Road. We picked a little sidewalk cafe, perfect for people watching. I had asked to pay before we got there, but once again, when the bill came Matthew took it and payed, noting that I had flown there. Okay, I couldn’t really argue there. Shortly after, it was time to pack up our stuff, and get a taxi to the airport. We said goodbye at check in, with promises to meet again much sooner than the almost four years it had been.

Oh, you still want to know if I slept with him, don’t you? Well, the answer is no. Although he was very flirtatious, with a few cheeky comments thrown in, by the time we got back to the hotel, I think alcohol had gotten the better of both of us. On Matthew’s part, he had also been taking strong painkillers having only recently had reconstructive knee surgery and been cleared to fly for work. And me, well, I barely slept the night before out of excitement, then was up early for the flight. On top of that, travel always exhausts me. I’m pretty sure we passed out mid-conversation, or well, that’s what I remember anyways.

To be honest, I was kind of relieved. Even though I knew there might be an expectation of sex, which I was honestly okay with, in the end I guess I just wasn’t wanting him to be another Mr. Right-Now. Having sex with Matthew, I reckon, would have cheapened the experience we shared. I also know Matthew isn’t looking for a serious relationship, having sworn them off after a failed marriage. Although our dates are amazing, admittedly, we are not looking for the same thing. Of course, that doesn’t mean we can’t have a great time when we do meet. I also get the feeling “wining and dining” a girl is pretty standard for Matthew when he travels for work. Why not have a companion to eat and drink with in a foreign country, if you can?

Matthew and I talked during our date, and since, about trying to meet up for our next date a lot sooner. Almost four years between dates is much too long! Writing this now, and just thinking about meeting him again, I’m excited! It is not often that you get to have a fairytale date with a guy. One who plans it all, so it’s a little bit mysterious. You get driven around by a chauffeur. You dine at the top-rated restaurants. You drink vintage champagne in bars with the best views of the city. You stay in five star hotels, that just happen to have a few lamborginis parked outside! I love the idea of meeting him again, in who knows what country or city, wondering where we will go, and which beautiful dress I should wear. Our dates are more than a fairytale, they are an adventure! Matthew might not be my Mr. Right, but going on dates with him is fucking fun and fabulous, so I’ll keep on going on them until Mr. Right comes along.

If you enjoyed Once upon a time in Singapore, then stay tuned for more of my dating stories. You can also check out my previous posts below, if you haven’t already. Follow me here, or on FB https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/ to get notifications of new posts.

The One that isn’t the One

So you guys probably guessed from the title, that this post is obviously not about me finding Mr. Right.

In my debut post I talked about my Mr. Right checklist and some of the things he needs to tick off to be eligible to be the one. As it’s been almost a year since that first post was published, and also for any of you new readers out there, I reckon it’s time to do a quick recap. What are the things Mr. Right has to embody for me to even think he could be the one? In no particular order:

  • Fit, superfuckable hot, fit, Calvin Klein model hot, fit! Did I mention fit?
  • Probably falls in the age range of 30-45 yrs old. Yes, I’m attracted to and generally tend to go for much younger men, but realistically, I often worry that if they’re too young, they might not be ready to swear off children- which is definitely a deal breaker with me.
  • Travels! Loves to travel, life is travel, travel is the air he breathes, oh, and he’s likely a Digital Nomad so he can well, fucking travel!
  • Kids is not a word in his vocabulary.
  • Kind, funny, intelligent, compassionate, and passionate.
  • Speaking of passionate, he needs to be passionate “in the bedroom”. If he isn’t an amazing lover, and got some 50 Shades of Grey tricks up his sleeve, I’ll be bored quickly and will say bye-bye!

So, it’s got to take a pretty special guy for me to even take notice, let alone start to think “What if this could be the one?” Is it even possible that I could think that after only one or two dates? What would need to happen, or be said that could make me feel that way? What kind of connection would there need to be that would make me feel so enraptured? And let’s say it was over a daytime coffee-lunch date, where we didn’t kiss, and also means he hadn’t yet shown me his prowess as a lover

Well, I went on a first date the other week, and I truly thought he could be the one! Most notably, I felt we had a great connection. I remember feeling like I really wanted to touch him, and kiss him- things I only want to do when I feel great chemistry with a guy. We spent four hours together, conversation was easy. I remember laughing. He saw me close to tears when a friend hugged me, and he didn’t run away! And he shared a personal tragedy with me, that made him seem very real and vulnerable. Also notable, he’d ticked 5/6 on the Mr. Right checklist above!

Here’s the thing though, looking back I can chalk up those after-date thoughts to a couple major factors. First, I’d already built him and the possibilites of him, up in my head based on a few text messages, as well as some hot as fuck Tinder pics. Second, there’s this thing going on right now, just in case you hadn’t heard about it, called Coronavirus. It turns out that it’s a fucking pandemic, and has been known to make normally rational people act and react in ways they might not normally. Emotions are heightened, feelings are intensified. I mean, with an impending apocolypse, who isn’t going to think that when you’ve just had a four hour date with someone who ticked more Mr. Right boxes on a first date than anyone else in the last few years that he could be the one?! Holy Shit!

This is now where you proceed to freak the fuck out because you’re also so scared of everything finding Mr. Right entails. My last post, Love, Actually, talked about this. Oh, and in case you hadn’t guessed already, my feelings surrounding meeting this guy inspired me to write that post! A post where I show my vulnerable self for once. Hmm, but now you might also be realizing, if he was a catalyst for that post because he was in the running for being Mr. Right, what happened in a short period of time, that he then became The One That Isn’t the One?

The answer: I guess I’d have to say I had my Love in the Time of Coronavirus blinders on, and subsequently, his words and actions- or let’s just say lack there of- made me see him a bit more clearly. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m sure he’s a decent guy, but I was starting to feel like he was the type of guy who showed up, as he enjoyed the attention I was giving him. So much so, I didn’t really feel like it was reciprocated. After the first date, he certainly didn’t take any initiative to meet again, and he didn’t really show much interest when we did. Maybe he was just looking for friendship? Maybe he was, as they say “Just not into you”? Yet, somehow we managed three dates over two weeks! It could be maybe he’s got lots on his mind, or is busy with work? Or, maybe he’s just been too busy going on dates with you- as in the rest of you single ladies in Siem Reap?

Whatever the reason, it doesn’t matter. I have too much self- respect to give my energy to a guy who not only doesn’t seem to make an effort to engage, but who also couldn’t be bothered to text and ask if I made it home safe after an evening of drinking wine poolside at his. Maybe my expectations are too high, but friendship and/or dating require that minimal amount of care, don’t they? Even though we discussed another date for drinks again, I haven’t messaged him. Not surprisingly, I haven’t heard from him either. During and since that last date, it’s really confirmed for me that he was not only not my Mr. Right, but was also a whole lot of Mr. Wrong.

I think I’ve now been on a date with almost all the stranded tourists here- there were only three weren’t there?? Well, I’ve got a date lined up later today with Stuck in Siem Reap- Bachelor #3. He doesn’t appear quite so fit-superfuckable-hot, which is where I always go wrong I’m giving him a chance though, as the one for you might just be around the corner. Or maybe he could be a Mr. Right- Now, because it’s been way, way too damn long since I’ve had one of those!

Regardless, I do hope things get back to normal, with flights and borders opening up again soon. Not just for more date-able tourists, but so I can finally make my way to my next travel-live destination. After four years, my time in Siem Reap with limited dating options will be coming to an end. Don’t worry, I promise to keep writing and update you with lots more stories, as I continue my journey of looking for Mr. Right. I hope you’ll continue to join me too.

If you enjoyed The One That Isn’t the One, look for the follow-up to Fairytale Date- ✔️ called Once upon a time in Singapore… You can also check out my previous posts below, if you haven’t already. Follow me here, or on FB https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/ to get notifications of new posts.

Love, actually

I was once asked by a guy on Tinder “What is the one thing you would most like to be asked?” This was in reference to someone you were dating or interested in. Still in our infancy messaging stage, it was refreshing to have posed what eventually became a few meaningful questions. It was also quite confounding, as it was so out of the ordinary of what the typical guy on Tinder writes.

As much as I often talk about finding Mr. Right, and how fit, superfuckable hot, and likely young he needs to be, I rarely mention the desire for a real connection of love. I mean, if I did that, it would make me really vulnerable, right?! So I joke, and hopefully make everyone laugh, but that’s a bit of a “play it safe” façade. This blog is called Are you my Mr. Right? because what I’m looking for most of all, is my match in love.

I’m also scared shitless to find it. I’m scared to be hurt. I’m scared of failing in a relationship. It has been so long since I’ve dated someone seriously, I worry I’ve forgotten how to do it. It’s been even longer though, since I’ve felt love, actually.

The struggle is real!

Speaking of love- when I’m not working, going on dates, or seeing friends, I often have evenings in watching movies. Even more so now, with the world in lockdown. Oh, and not just any movies, but the Hallmark ones. Hmm, not quite the Netflix and chill you imagined I’d say, was it? Yes, I admit it- I am a sucker for those cheesy romantic ones where it’s destiny that they meet, end up falling in love, and everyone lives happily ever after! It’s always such a fairytale.

Oh, don’t worry, I’m almost as confused as you are as to why I like these movies, especially when I adamantly don’t believe in fairytales anymore, and I’m so not into romance. Or so I thought- because shunning romance definitely makes me less vulnerable, doesn’t it?

Admittedly, most of the movies are quite crap but, every once in a while Hallmark gets it right, like really right. It’s while watching these ones that I’m reminded of the love that I’ve been lucky enough to have felt twice before. In those moments, it feels like my heart is yearning so much, it’s going to burst. And god damn it, sometimes those stupid fucking romantic movies even make me shed a tear or two. Ughh! As it turns out, those Hollywood, sorry I mean Hallmark movies make me feel.

I am the self-professed “Dating Queen of Siem Reap” and have been known to go on as many as three dates a week, and there’s even been a few times when I have had two dates with two different guys in the same day! Don’t start doing crazy calculations now, it probably only works out to four dates a month.

I go on lots of dates as I want every possible chance to find that one amazing connection. You know the one I’m talking about. – There’s this intoxicating feeling, you cannot stop smiling and laughing, maybe you want to reach out and touch them. There is a spark, an aura around you two, and the energy between you is almost combustible! It’s that one in a million! Of course, realistically, most of the dates I go on do not even have an ounce of connection or chemistry. What are the odds that the next guy might be more?

Living in Siem Reap, a town full of tourists (or not so full most of the year- and close to zero now with the pandemic), the guys are generally here for a good time, not a long time. They rarely want to meet a second time, even if they are here another night or two. To them, if I let them, I’m nothing more than a holiday fuck. Or if I’m lucky, a holiday fling. It tends to get old after a while.

But, here’s the thing- the thought of never finding my Mr. Right actually scares me a hell of a lot more than falling in love again. This is why, every time I have an opportunity to go on a date, I take it.

Which leads me back to the question about the one thing I most want to be asked. Not just by any guy or Tinder match though. It would lose its value if it was. It needs to be asked by the right guy, that one in a million you’ve had an intense, heady connection with. The one that makes all those average dates until now seem worthwhile- as they have led to this one. The one that ticks so many of your Mr. Right boxes. The one that you hope so much might be who you’ve been looking for. The one who makes it okay for you to feel vulnerable and scared.

The one who will realize that I am so much more special than trying to make it into a one night stand, and that I am worth seeing again. The one, who at the end of a date, will ask me what I most desire to hear. As it happens because he also wants love, actually. And that’s when I’ll hear him say “When can I see you again?”

If you enjoyed this post and are a new reader, check out some of my previous posts below. Look out for my upcoming post The One That Isn’t the One. You can follow me here, or at https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/.

Sex (less) in the City

Awww, Love in the Time of Cholera Opps, I mean Love in the Time of Coronavirus. Okay, really what the fuck I am saying, there ain’t no love happening right now for a lot of us Unless, of course, you were one of those lucky single people on Tinder or Bumble who found someone by way of an original pick-up line. Maybe it was a get right to the point one such as “Come quarantine with me!” , or a more cheesy one “The only thing not quarantined is my heart when I look at you”, or a naughty one “The Coronavirus might have shut everything down, but I’m still open for business”, a practical one “I’ve got plenty of TP and food- want to bunker down with me?, or the so bad it’s good line “If the Coronavirus doesn’t take you out, can I?”.

There’s amazingly been quite abit of success with lines like these, as well as plenty of new-ish relationships where you suddenly shack up together. So much so, The Edge radio station I stream from New Zealand has even featured a few time slots about this new cohabitation phenomenon. Here’s the thing- you either move in together, or you won’t see each other for at least a month, maybe two, or really who even knows?! How could anyone possibly say no to moving in with someone they’ve been dating only a few months when the lust and passion are at it’s height?

Or, maybe you’re like me, and live in a tourist town devoid of any but approximately three, three tourists right now! Oh, and most of the “eligible” single expats have left too. Which means that, yes, you guessed it, we will not, for the forseeable future, be having any sex in the city. I know for some of you, it won’t bother you too much. Alright, I’ll survive too, but there’s nothing like an impending warning to bunker down for an undisclosed amount of time to make you really wish you’d found your Mr. Right or at least a Mr. Right Now.

There’s still one or two guys coming up on Tinder here a day- I think a few over and over now though. I recently matched and have exchanged messages with two who have been keen to meet. Sure, we can do a “social- distancing” date over coffee. I mean, how the fuck does that even work?! Are we supposed to sit at separate tables across the room from each other? Maybe we could write our questions on notes of paper, like in primary school, and get them passed back and forth by the wait staff- sanitizing our hands in between? Or, bring personal-sized white boards and markers to ask our questions on?- Shit, but then I’d need to wear my glasses to see that distance! Ughh! At what point do we not have to sit six feet or six meters, or whatever the new safety standard is, apart? Maybe every date we can lessen it by one foot, and if we have six successful dates, we can now finally kiss? And eventually (cover you ears mum and dad) have sex!

What if you don’t live alone? As whoever lives in your house is part of your “bubble”, that person will now have to pass the bubble test! What would the bubble test consist of?

  1. Can cook?- You’d definitely want someone who can contribute to that.
  2. Knows how to use a mop/broom/vacuum?
  3. Has good handyman skills?
  4. Is eager to play board/card/drinking games with your family or flatmates?
  5. Isn’t a screamer! Yes, you might want to be having great sex, but nobody, and I mean nobody in your house wants to hear you! — Especially if they are single! *Note to self: Ask if they are a screamer in the above social-distancing date questionnaire.

Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself here, as unfortunately, I have no prospective Mr. Rights in sight. Okay, yes, I have had two guys ask to meet, and so far I’ve met one. He was nice, good at conversation, but there wasn’t any spark. Now, more than ever, I feel like there’s huge pressure on the date for it to be “all or nothing”. There’s got to be that almost instant chemistry and connection, because there isn’t time for it to build. However, just because we’re both not able to leave the country and there is an impending lockdown, doesn’t mean it’s automatically “Love during Coronavirus”. So, as they say, next!

I still have one more guy I could meet, as we’re not in a state of emergency lockdown here, yet. I’m not holding out a lot of hope, however, as my gut feeling is telling me he’s not my type- although he loves dogs, and has already said he wants to quarantine at mine because I have one. Anyways, it’s okay, because I’d rather quarantine alone, then with the wrong guy out of desperation. Just in case, I’m prepared If not, well there’s always Netflix. What better time for a Sex in the City binge-watching marathon, than for the next few weeks?! Samantha my girl, I’m coming for ya!

If you enjoyed this post and are a new reader, check out some of my previous posts below. Otherwise, stay tuned for more posts about funny, adventurous, or just plain bad dates I have been on in the last few months. Look out for more date stories when the world gets out of quarantine. You can follow me here, or at https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/.

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