Fairytale Date✔

Here’s the thing, you watch a lot of movies. Sometimes you go on dates — but, your dates are never like they show in those Hollywood movies such as ‘Pretty Woman’- where she gets taken shopping for a gorgeous dress, and then they fly on a private plane to a secret destination. I mean, really, as if anyone ever goes on a date like that! Well, I’m here to tell you that’s all wrong! Where do writers get these ideas from then? It’s because it actually happens. Okay, I know what you’re thinking “It doesn’t happen to an ordinary girl like me.” Hey, I’m just an ordinary girl too, but as you might expect, I’m about to tell you about that one time when I went on a Fairytale Date —

It all started a few years ago when I was living in Queenstown, New Zealand and we matched on Tinder. The guy I was dating had just ended things. A few days earlier I’d also had a bad snowboarding accident, so was stuck in bed with little more attention span than looking at profiles on Tinder whilst in my drugged-up brain fog. I’m not even sure I realized I was not capable of physically meeting anyone, the pain killers were working that well. Anyways, I matched with Matthew, a tourist from Australia in town for a ski holiday. Even though I explained we couldn’t meet, he was very sweet and thoughtful with his messages, and we messaged heaps. We continued to keep in touch, as I regularly visited a best gf in Sydney, so there was always a chance to meet in the future.

Who would guess that eight months later I was leaving New Zealand on my way to live in Cambodia, with a stop in Sydney for a week to see my gf and her family. Although Matthew frequently traveled internationally for work, luck would have it that he would be in town a couple of the days that I was. At first he mentioned already having plans to watch his football team play live, but then changed his plans to meet me. Matthew offered to meet in the CBD where I was staying with my gf, and said he would pick me up. I was worried about him drinking and then having to drive home as I knew he lived in a far off suburb, but he said not to worry about any of that. It all felt rather mysterious- and this is how our fairytale date began —

Around 6pm, I exited my gf’s apartment building to find him waiting for me, standing beside a car. It wasn’t just any car though. It was a Town Car, and there was a driver! I got in and thought “Holy shit! There’s a fucking chauffeur!” Our drive wasn’t actually very long, as we were apparently headed just down the road to the rooftop bar & lounge of the Shangri- La Hotel for sunset! Holy shit again! We were going to a five star hotel for drinks! When we arrived, Matthew, of course, was greeted by name. We enjoyed cocktails in the bar while the sun set, as we waited for a table in the lounge with a view of the Harbour Bridge. About a half hour later we were shown to our table, where he ordered us Verve Cliqout Rose– remembering from our previous conversations that I’d mentioned I liked it. We chatted and sipped on champagne looking out over the lit up city, and when our bottle was finished, and Matthew insisted on paying, we left to have dinner.

Our view from the Shangri-La Hotel

I didn’t know it until we arrived, and only a short distance from the Shangri- La, but Matthew had earlier made a dinner reservation for a five-course degustation at Bentley. He’d also confirmed that they could do mine vegetarian. Wow! I don’t generally get impressed easily, but so far this was adding up to be a pretty fucking spectacular night! This guy remembered things from our conversations, took initiative to organize our entire date, and was insisting on paying! Along with our dinner we enjoyed another bottle of lovely champagne, then an apres-dinner cocktail in the bar. When our chauffeur eventually dropped me back at my gf’s place around midnight, I felt like I was Cinderella and had just been to the ball!

Now I know you all are asking “Did you kiss??”. Yes, there was a small one but, he ended up being a perfect gentleman. He walked me to the building door, and our magical date ended there. Okay, now you’re asking “Have you been on another date since?” “Have you seen each other again?”. The answer is no, as our schedules have just never matched up — until now! Next weekend we will be meeting in Singapore for another date! Matthew has a layover there for a work trip, so it is a perfect excuse for me to travel somewhere. I’m excited to catch up with him again, as he was intelligent, funny, charming, thoughtful, and handsome. Champagne and a degustation dinner really were like the icing on a cake! Of course, I expect that this time will also be nothing short of amazing. Champagne wishes and caviar dreams? Hell yeah! Bring on Fairytale Date #2! Oh, and Hollywood- start taking notes.

Follow me here to find out what happens on my next fairytale date in Singapore (Once upon a time in Singapore…). You can also read previous posts such as my debut post Are you my Mr. Right, or my opinion post about what it feels like to be called a Cougar in Lock up your sons! — There’s a Cougar on the Loose! Like my FB page to also find out when new posts are out- https://www.facebook.com/pg/jossdatingblog/about/

The Game

When did dating become such a game?

Okay, I know– there are quite a few books written about this because it’s not actually an entirely new concept. I’ve even read one such book The Game when I was dating a guy who happened to have a copy. He “apparently” borrowed it from a friend. – Well, if that wasn’t a red flag, I don’t know what is?! If only I’d actually paid more attention at the time, I might have saved myself a lot of heartache. Anyways, I decided to read it as I was curious about what was being purported to men about dating advice. That was a few years ago now, and the dating game seems to be ever evolving, in part because of dating apps such as Tinder.

“When did dating become so complicated?”

Tinder has pretty much changed the face of dating. Traditionally, a guy would have to have gotten up the courage to go over to a girl in a bar, say hi, likely offer to buy her a drink, and try to hold what he hopes to be, engaging conversation. Now instead, he can be hidden behind a Smart phone, sending a first message that says nothing more than “Hi!”. I’ve been noticing recently, however, more and more guys who state on their profile something along the lines of “It’s cool if a girl sends the first message”. If the latter is the new standard- and more men are expecting women to make the first move online or in a bar- then we better throw out the outdated books targeted to women about dating.- Namely, the “How to’s” to get that man/husband you’ve always wanted. You know, the ones which basically state a woman should play hard to get, and only ever wait for a man to contact her.

As mentioned in one of my first posts, last year I was quite down about the dating scene in Siem Reap, and more so after dating a guy here who turned out to be just another player. A gf thought I wasn’t projecting myself right, and suggested I read one of those books about “How to do the right things” so I will attract the “right” men to date. I downloaded the recommended book sample on Amazon, but quickly realized it was very old-fashioned, and so not me! Here’s the thing though– why does there have to be all these rules on what to do and what not to do when you meet someone, or even just to meet someone? Am I only allowed to message a guy first if he suggests it on his profile? Or must I always patiently wait “ready” to be chased? When did dating become so complicated?

Here’s a recent example. A couple months back I matched with someone on Tinder, who at the time was an expat here. Within a couple messages, he then found me on Facebook and messaged me on Messenger. He initiated both conversations, and also admitted he had seen my picture on a local Facebook group page and thought I was “cute”. With a shortage of single men- who are not players and live here– I was keen to meet and see if we would have any connection. A few times I asked when he was free, at which he never answered. However, he did reply to other parts of our conversations, which included saying he was still interested to meet.

In the end, we never did meet because “He didn’t like that I was chasing him, which didn’t allow him to chase me.” What the fuck?! This was to meet for a first date, not to get married! It turns out, he was just playing the “Game”, and he obviously didn’t like how I did it! For me though, my time is valuable and I prefer not to waste it messaging for days or weeks, just to find out there isn’t any chemistry when I finally do meet someone in person.

“One of the most important aspects in the dating game is the chase. Everyone loves the thrill of the chase, especially when its reward is a relationship with someone you’re incredibly attracted to.”

Prather, Molly. “How to Understand the Chase in Dating.” Dating Tips – Match.com, https://datingtips.match.com/understand-chase-dating-5704718.html.

Let’s talk more about the “Chase”. Who doesn’t want what they seemingly can’t have, or is hard to get? This is where the chase becomes fun, enticing or exciting, and can make the other person even more alluring and attractive. It can also be a challenge, and who doesn’t like a good challenge? I get it though, being chased can also be a turn-off. Even I tend to get turned-off by a guy who comes on too strong, or messages too much. Here’s the problem then — If “you” don’t like when I do the chasing, and I don’t always like when “you” chase me, then how the fuck are we ever going to go on a god damn date?! In an ideal world, men and women shouldn’t have to play this cat and mouse game of when it’s okay to text, to call, or to meet.

“I don’t play games — unless it’s in the bedroom.”

What if then, as mentioned above, a guy states on his bio “A girl messaging first is hot!”? These guys like girls who take initiative, who make the first move. Maybe they’re also the shy type, who secretly like to be dominated in the bedroom? Or they’re just a modern guy, who doesn’t follow any rules of how the dating game is supposed to be played, as written in so many books. Maybe, they don’t have any preconceived notions of what a “good” girl is supposed to be- essentially the idea that a girl is only good if she waits to be asked out, chased, or “plays” hard to get. Maybe he doesn’t give a fuck if she is a good girl, and in fact, he likes her more if she is a bad girl. Regardless, at least he’s given his preference for a girl to make the first move, which is a lot clearer than the common game that so many men expect us to play.

You probably have a pretty good idea of what I think of the “Game”, but if not, and this is specifically directed to all those men out there playing it — If you’re not man enough to sometimes let a confident woman do the chasing, even though this might not be your norm, then you can fuck right off and find another girl to chase! — Just to make it very clear gentlemen, I don’t play games — unless it’s in the bedroom.

If you liked The “Game”, follow me here, or like my FB page https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/ for updates of when new posts are coming out about some dating antics and adventures, as well as my next post Fairytale Date–✔

Are you two on a Tinder date?

Let’s imagine you live in a small town, and you have an impending Tinder date. Now, even if you’re fine with meeting someone from Tinder, do you really want the world to know that you are? Is it really anyone’s business? Unless you’re one of those people looking for fame and have signed up for a reality tv show, I highly doubt you are shouting from the rooftops “Hey, look at me, I’m on a Tinder date!” I personally haven’t met anybody who wanted to advertise they were on a date, let alone a Tinder date. Dating is hard enough. Meeting someone you don’t know can be overwhelming, and even intimidating. No one needs the added pressure of everyone in the room knowing that you’re on a date, and watching how it pans out. It seems to happen all too many times, especially if you live in a small town like I do.

Where can you go for a date then? Where are some places that might be a bit more discreet? Places that feel like all the people who do you know, can’t watch, and therefore gossip, and tease.

I’ve come up with a list of some date ideas and venues that might not be quite so obvious that you’re on a date. Hopefully, in some of these places, you can relax and get to know each other, without feeling that you’re in some kind of movie for the rest of the town to watch. Some of these are slightly more specific to where I currently live, but are also from dates I’ve been on in the past. I’ve even added a couple ideas that I haven’t done yet, and checked off that ones that I have.

  1. Bowling- This is the type of thing that is always fun for a first date. It doesn’t matter if you’re good or bad. Hell, you could have some extra fun wagering, and say whoever loses has to buy dinner or drinks after. There’s also less pressure to hold such face-to-face conversation, as your doing an activity in between. ✔
  2. Mini-golf- Similar to above for the atmosphere it provides, except at least you don’t have the ugly shoes to contend with. Winning!
  3. A Spirits Taste Testing- No, not one of those “$5- All You Can Drink” things, but something a little more classy. For example, here in Siem Reap there is a restaurant called Georges Rhumerie that does a Rum Taste Testing with various flavors of Rum you can try. As they are small pours, there’s little chance of getting too tipsy next to your date. It could also be great conversation starter, as you two debate over your favorite flavors.
  4. A Pool- Okay, I know what some of you ladies are thinking– “Shit, that requires me to wear a swimsuit!” Why yes it does! On one of my many dates as the “Bachelorette” recently, we met me for lunch and a swim at my favorite pool (check out Being The Bachelorette in the archives below to read all about it). I do understand, though, that lots of you aren’t going to necessarily be into a daytime pool date. This is what I propose instead- go in the evening! If where you live is like Siem Reap and close to the equator, it’ll get dark between 545-645pm year round. Yes, the pool will be slightly lit up, but it won’t be anything like the bright starkness of daylight, where you might feel like every part of your cellulite shows.- Ughh! Anyways, I have also enjoyed some really great evening dates at this same pool. I like to call them “Moonlight Swim Dates”. The hotel-pool I go to also does yummy food and cocktails, so you can literally hide in the water if you want to, the entire time sipping cocktails while you get to know your date. Check out pics of my favorite spot shown below, and start to imagine yourself there with a date right now!
Baby Elephant Boutique Hotel

See, I knew you’d like it!

*Note: Ladies- when it’s dark, you also don’t have to worry about how recent your last bikini waxing was either* ✔

  1. The Beach- No, I’m not talking about the movie where people die! Think similar to a pool, whether it’s daytime or evening, the beach is a great, casual place to meet someone. I have had a couple dates on the beach/lakefront when I lived in Queenstown, NZ, and they were fantastic! Two different guys, one year apart, drinks and take away dinner. One time dinner was even delivered to us on the lakefront! No one would ever have guessed, either time, it was a first or second date. ✔
  2. The Escape Room- I haven’t done it, but I reckon it would be a super fun way to get to know your date while you try to “break out of jail” or “solve a murder mystery”.
  3. Ice skating- Ideally, one or both of you might want to know how to skate. I once took a guy ice skating on our second date, when I lived in Dublin. I learnt how to skate when I was 3 years old, however, it was only his second time. I had to hold him up most of the time! We ended up having an amazing date. ✔
  4. Paint & Sip- If where you live has something like this on, what better way to get to know one another than getting tipsy, and if you’re anything like me, while painting badly. Paint + wine sounds like a great time to me!
  5. Food Festival- This can be a great way to get to know one another as you taste heaps of different foods. You could even pick out a dish for each other to try. ✔
  6. Salsa Dancing- What, neither of you dance Salsa? Sign up for the free lessons that are part of a local event, or offered as an intro for a class. I once matched with a guy on Tinder in Vancouver who Salsa danced. We went to a Salsa club for our date, and it was so much fun!- Bonus points if the guy can Salsa, as a guy who can dance, is hot, hot, hot! ✔

Of course, not every town or city you live in has these types of venues, especially depending on the time of year. If they do though, I definitely recommend trying somewhere new. You might find it’s just the thing to help make that Tinder date a little more special.

Here’s what not to do if you’d prefer that everyone didn’t know you were on a Tinder date! — Do not get your date to meet you at an event held at an expat bar, for a local NGO school! I once did this, and blame the horrible flu-fever I had at the time. Luckily my date was a good sport, and even wore my clothes as it was a Drag Bingo fundraiser. He did query, however, how many people I told that I was on a Tinder date when one of the MC’s of the night came over to take the piss out of us! That’s when I had to explain, that as the only tourist in an expat bar- of whom I was rubbing my hands down his wash-board stomach — it was pretty obvious! In the end, he didn’t seem to care, but not something I would do again.- Unless you don’t mind what feels like the entire expat community gossiping about you the next day. — It was the lesson that just happened to inspire this post. At least you guys can learn from my mistake, and now have new ideas of where to go- as nobody likes to be asked “Are you two on a Tinder date?” Good luck, and happy dating!

Follow me here, or check out my FB page https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/ to find out when my next post about The Game is out. Don’t forget to check out previous posts in the archives below, such as Being the “Bachelorette”, Lock up your sons! — There’s a Cougar on the Loose!, and my debut post Are you my Mr. Right?

Lock up your sons! — There’s a Cougar on the loose!

With all the dates I’ve been going on so far this year, and some recent to-my-face labelling with likely more behind my back, it’s gotten me thinking. — “When did it become okay to call an older woman a “Cougar”? At what age did I have to turn, to seemingly become very desirable to younger men?- Much younger men! Men that are pretty much boys and I am old enough to be their mother!” Okay, there are movies about this (think The Graduate), but why call women Cougars? This insinuates older women are preying on and chasing young guys, however, in my experience, it’s actually the other way around.

As I stated in my debut post Are You My Mr. Right?, the age of men I’m interested in hasn’t changed over the years. Nor has my taste in music, my love of traveling and not wanting to settle down, or not wanting to have children. My question to you then is- “Who are you to judge me on what I like, who I spend my time with, and subsequently call me names?” Well, this ain’t primary school no more! “Sticks & Stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” If you were one of the three year olds I teach, and did some name calling, I’d say to you “Not nice!”. Also, if I remember correctly, wasn’t it usually the ones that were jealous of someone or what they had, that called those people names?

“Why can’t I aspire to continue to have men in my life that remind me of my twenty year old first love? — Who just happened to have a body like a god.”

Anyways, if it makes some of you feel better to call me a Cougar, than so be it. In fact, I’m going to own that label right now! Yes, I do like and am attracted to men younger than me. Yes, I have dated men younger than me. Yes, I have had sex with men younger than me- a lot younger than me! Oh, you’re damn right I’m high-fiving myself right now! Excluding when I was the self-described “Bachelorette” a few months ago, I’m not actually sure when it was that I last dated or had sex with a guy my own age or older.

What I want to know is- why would you ever deny yourself that young, hot-as-fuck guy with a six-pack chasing you, when you are single like I am??!! I’m sure as hell not going to. Why can’t I aspire to continue to have men in my life that remind me of my twenty year old first love? — Who just happened to have a body like a god? —— Just a wee bit nostalgic there for a moment. My Tinder age-range might start fifteen years younger than me, but I’m certainly not going to complain when, by dropping down even only a few years, the choices and matches double! In a tourist town with low-season nine months a year, a single girl looking for Mr. Right (or if need be, Mr. Right-Now) could use as many options as she can get!

“I might be a Cougar, but I only bite and scratch if they want me to…”

In saying that, though, and I’m pretty sure you other Cougars out there will attest to this, we are definitely not the ones doing the chasing! In fact, I’d say the younger they are, the more they chase, at least in that twenty-two to twenty-five year old age range- or so I’ve noticed. Hmm, let me think about it. — Hot, fit, twenty-five year old man begging to meet. Sounds horrible, said no one ever!

Here’s a couple recent examples. After my stint as the “Bachelorette” (you can read those previous two posts in the archives below), I matched with a twenty-five year old on Tinder. One of his first messages said “I hope you don’t mind younger guys?” Now, would I be matching with him if I did? He messaged me constantly asking when we could meet. When we finally did, he admitted he bragged to his travel buddies he was meeting an “older woman”, but was also worried I would stand him up. If you live in Siem Reap, you may have even seen him being a great sport wearing my clothes at a local Drag Bingo fundraiser. —

Then there was the twenty-two year old who said he only went on dates or dated “older, experienced women”. He also messaged repeatedly asking when we could meet. He must have said the right things, because we met for drinks, and at the end of the night, he grabbed me and kissed me! Now that was a game changer! Who doesn’t find a confident, dominant man attractive, even if he’s only twenty-two??!! Of course, this is only my opinion. If you’re still concerned about the well-being of all these young men, then you better Lock up your sons! — There’s a Cougar on the loose!

Disclaimer: No twenty-two to twenty-five year olds were maimed on any dates. I might be a Cougar, but I only bite and scratch if they want me to…

Follow me here, or like my FB page https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/ to find out when my next post is out. Stay tuned for more dating antics, mishaps, adventures, and my next post Are you two on a Tinder date?

What happens in Bali, stays in Bali…

The other week I was able to get away to Bali for a few days. It was a trip to see a best gf and her family vacationing there, as well as have a little R & R from work. It was also a chance to go on a date or two in a place with options– because, hell yeah, it’s high season in Bali right now!!

High season in Bali = a shit load of hot, fit, surfer guys! Super-fuckable guys! Oh my fucking god, yes! My gf and I (okay, mostly me) were literally drooling looking at all the gorgeous men there at the moment. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen that many guys with six-packs all in one place! To say I was in heaven was an understatement. As for Tinder, well, I could barely keep up with the potential matching, and subsequent messaging. I matched with more guys in one day then I probably do in one month in Siem Reap- in part because I was uncharacteristically swiping right, and shouting out loud “Yes! Yes! Yes!” to so many of them. Okay, maybe not shouting “yes” quite like that. That kind of “orgasmic” yes-in-a-row I save for in the bedroom.

Right! Back to matching with heaps of guys- super hot guys. I then had a major dilemma! — “How do you narrow down the talent? Who do you choose to go on a date with, when you are overwhelmed with options for the first time in years?” Normally, I don’t message guys first- unless I’m pretty keen. You’re damn right I was keen, and with only four days in Bali, time was of the essence! I also thought it would be pretty sweet to have one of those holiday romance kind-of-fling-things.

Now, what single girl doesn’t want a holiday romance-fling, especially on a beach holiday? Picture it- days filled with lazy mornings in bed after all-night sex sessions, then another session in the afternoon after you two come back from surfing. Well more likely, him surfing, and you dozing off on the beach whilst working on your tan. After, ordering take away, because you don’t want to waste time getting dressed and going out, when time is so much better spent rubbing your hands down his wash-board stomach —

Oh wait, sorry, none of that ever happended, even though that’s what I was ultimately dreaming of. No, it doesn’t only happen in movies but, sometimes the timing just isn’t right- as in mine. A four day family holiday, with limited, precious time as Auntie Joss, is not conducive to a sex-a-thon/romance fling-thing. Not that I didn’t have an actual offer for one but, I got turned off from meeting him after he sent me one of those unsolicited dick pics — and it was flaccid at that! Ughh!

Now, that doesn’t mean I wasn’t going to have a date with a hot guy still, so back to narrowing it down. I ended up messaging quite a lot with four guys who both wanted and were able to meet when I could. Saturday night was out, as I was babysitting til 1am, which at this point left anytime Friday, or my last day on Sunday. Crappy, limited wifi had made keeping in touch a bit more tricky, however, so Sunday was “Date Day”. It would be the perfect way to end my trip.

You want to know what happened, don’t you? Your asking yourself “Which renowned Bali beach bar did they go to?” or “Dinner with seasonal seafood?” maybe “An afternoon surf lesson?” — What part of “What happens in Bali, stays in Bali” makes you think I’m actually going to spill the beans?

Okay, okay! — Well, let’s say it didn’t quite work out to have a proper date. We met just before I was heading to the airport for my 130am flight. — Yes, I can confirm he was hot- ✔, fit- ✔, and had one of those wash-board stomachs- ✔. — The rest, well you’ll just have to use your imagination as What happens in Bali, stays in Bali…

Read my upcoming posts for more dating adventures, antics, and mishaps as I continue my search for Mr. Right. If you enjoyed What happens in Bali, stays in Bali, then look out for my next post Lock up your sons! — There’s a Cougar on the loose! You can follow me here, or like my FB page https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/

Being the “Bachelorette” -Part 2

— So, Derek was finally back in town, and we met for Date #4 at a new cocktail bar. As with our other dates, we had a fantastic time! I especially remember laughing a lot. After a few cocktails, it was time to end our evening since it was a “school night”. As we walked around the corner, he grabbed me and kissed me! Wow! Now that was a kiss! I remember going home and feeling pretty fucking excited as this was someone who I not only had a great connection and chemistry with but, he was also a digital nomad, which meant he could potentially stay in Siem Reap. He had already hinted at this during the end of our last date. He also had the ability to relocate when I did. Bonus points there!

The next night we met for Date #5 at a pub quiz, once again with his best friend. They often went, so knew the drill, and I knew very little to help the team. We lost, they were gutted, so we went to drown our sorrows at another bar, well, for a night cap anyways. Shortly after, being another “school night”, I headed home while they carried on.

During the next couple days I asked if he was free to meet, however, he said work was crazy at the moment, and unfortunately he couldn’t. Then the day after, I received the Dear John message “It was lovely to meet you, but I’m leaving Siem Reap in a few days, blah, blah, blah”. To say I was surprised was an understatement, and to this day I still don’t know what the fuck happened when everything felt so right. What I do know, though, is that he definitely was not Mr. Right!

Okay, there’s more bachelors, so next! You might be asking then “What about Bachelor #2- Josh- who lives in Siem Reap?” We’ve seen each other around town, but it’s clear to both of us that we are just meant to be friends.

Right then, “What about Bachelor #3 (Paul) and Bachelor #4 (Steve)?” you ask. Well, as I mentioned in my previous post, one of those two I’m still in touch with! Is there something more there? Is there potential for anything in the future? Who is it? —

Well, Steve ended up flying to Bangkok for a medical emergency (a concern he already mentioned before we ever met) a couple days after our date, and I haven’t heard from him since. We didn’t really have any spark, so it’s okay, but wherever he is, I hope he is well.

However, Paul and I do still keep in contact. We had a fantastic connection but, the reality is, it wasn’t enough to begin some long-distance dating fantasy. Regardless, he wasn’t interested in anything long distance. I truly believe everything happens for a reason. Maybe we were meant to meet, but the timing wasn’t right, but maybe, one day, the timing might be? Or maybe it still won’t be but, I will have a lovely memory of time spent with a man who was intelligent, funny, and respectful. Those are some big boxes he’s ticked! So, let’s say, for the moment anyways, our story isn’t quite over —

Back to square one! At this point, I’m sure you’re saying “Why not just find some more Bachelors?” So much easier said than done! Unfortunately, tourist high season is over in Siem Reap until December, so pickings are once again slim! Sure, there are still some dates happening, but these are with guys who are in town for two-four days, and definitely aren’t looking for anything serious. I do feel, though, you never know who you might make a connection with, so I’m continuing to put out positive energy to receive that kind in return. This is how I met Mr. Austria! Mr. Austria?? As in competition-winning-so-fit-and-gorgeous Mr. Austria? Okay, he wasn’t “officially” but, he might as well have been, because holy shit he was beautiful! I’m confident, with him, I was the one winning!

Although we matched on Tinder, at first he didn’t want to meet for a date. He said he couldn’t be my Mr. Right since he was only in town for two more days, and he didn’t want to waste my time. Later, however, he changed his mind when I said I was still happy to meet him as you never know the connection you might make. We ended up having a super fun date filled with drinks, dancing for hours- a man who can dance is so sexy- and a very hot kiss as we left the bar. Hot, as in he pinned me up against the wall, Oh my fucking god! — Just remembering that moment alone makes meeting him so worth it! As for after, well, some things are better left unsaid. — Or might just be revealed more in an upcoming post- such as the one where I give a star rating to some of my Tinder-date lovers! Hint: Mr. Austria will be topping the list!

If you liked reading Being the Bachelorette, follow me here, or like my FB page https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/. Watch out for my upcoming post What Happens in Bali Stays in Bali.

Being the “Bachelorette” -Part 1

It’s The Bachelorette- Siem Reap edition!

So how does one do their own version of The Bachelorette when there is pretty much a shortage of men to date? Well, fortunately for me, it was high season in Siem Reap. High season= tourists! It can also sometimes mean an influx of expats who move here for the “cool-dry” season. As luck would have it, and unbeknownst to them, I was able to find myself four participants! Yes, four! Honestly, I have no idea how the fuck it all fell into place but, somehow I managed to go on ten dates in ten days, with these four Bachelors! So let’s meet them!

*Just a little FYI, any age with the number forty in it has been censored as I realize some people, myself included, find the “f-word” offensive.*

  • Bachelor #1 “Derek”- F*&@% four year old Canadian and is a Digital Nomad. He frequently vacationed in Siem Reap over the last few years.
  • Bachelor #2 “Josh”- F*&@% two year old Australian who had just moved to Siem Reap for work.
  • Bachelor #3 “Paul”- F*&@% three year old American holidaying in Siem Reap. He currently lives in Norway with his ten year old son.
  • Bachelor #4 “Steve”- F*&@% one year old American vacationing in Siem Reap but, looking to stay as he is also a Digital Nomad.

Okay, I know what you’re thinking — “This age range isn’t her norm, so what’s going on?” Well, on the advice of a gf, and after last year dating a “thirty-two going on twenty-two year old idiot!”, I was really trying to give older guys, instead of guys younger than me, a chance. Plus, these bachelors made ideal participants.

Now, I’m sure you’ve already started betting on the front runners, but let’s just see how these dates turned out, and if there ends up being any “fantasy over-night dates?” —

Derek- Date #1- Friday– Picture ”speak-easy” style cocktail bar, great banter, and laughs. Instant chemistry! Deciding to change locations after a few drinks, we then hit up my “local”. A few hours later, we had a small kiss, but ended our night there…

Josh- Date #1– Saturday– We met at a cafe, which was a nice change to meet outside of a bar setting. We chatted for about 1.5 hours, unfortunately, there wasn’t really any chemistry.

Paul- Date #1–Part 1– Sunday– We had connected a month prior on Tinder, and as the only “Bachelor” actually a tourist, I offered to meet him at the airport. Mani-Pedi complete and summer dress on, I was ready for whatever the afternoon brought. He, however, had had a long flight from Norway and was jet-legged, so this part of our first date ended with me dropping him to his hotel. A few hours later he invited me to his hotel-rooftop for dinner and sunset cocktails…

On the way to the airport to pick up Bachelor #3

Paul- Date 1 #-Part 2– Sunday- The next part of our date began with rooftop cocktails at his 5 star hotel while we watched the sunset. Dinner there didn’t look too appealing, so we headed into town for a bit of siteseeing. After, we grabbed some Mexican for dinner, and then he headed back to his hotel, yes alone, wrecked from jetlag…

Paul- Date #2– Monday– We met in town after he finished watching the Superbowl. Our date began by trying to find a mobile screen repair shop, as his got smashed during the excitement of his team winning! While it was getting fixed, we grabbed some brunch. After, he headed back to his hotel as he had work he needed to do…

Paul- Date #3– Monday– This date began with exclusive rooftop cocktails, just as the sun had set. A few drinks later, we decided to forego dinner, and get “couple” massages instead. It wouldn’t be representative of The Bachelorette if we didn’t get “naked together” by the 3rd date. Then after, me accidentally showering in front of him too tipsy from cocktails to realize there was no privacy screen! Not that I actually gave a shit, but I seemed to be doing it all backwards when we hadn’t even kissed yet. — In the end, there was no kissing, and we went home separately, again…

Derek- Date #2– Tuesday– I had another day off work, as it was a public holiday, so headed to the pool for some R&R and lunch. Remembering Derek was staying very nearby, I messaged to see if he would like to join, and 30 minutes later he was there! We enjoyed chatting over lunch and a swim but, an hour later, he had to get back to work…

Paul- Date #4– Tuesday– Having changed hotels to be in town, we were able to walk along the river at sunset to a nearby restaurant so he could finally try some local cuisine. After dinner, we went back to the rooftop bar from the previous night, again with the place to ourselves. Privacy and exclusivity have it’s perks, but the gentleman he was, he didn’t make a play. Now, that’s not to say there wasn’t an amazing connection, chemistry, and intelligent, engaging conversation. It seems, after everything, that some things are just worth waiting for —

**Thursday– I had a date with what I thought might be Bachelor #4, but it turned out to be his last night in town, so I didn’t count him. **

Derek- Date #3– Friday– On this date, I got to meet his best friend. No pressure! Luckily I’d been at a free-flow wine event, so I was feeling very relaxed, but admittedly a wee bit drunk! I met them at a cocktail bar, and we had a great time chatting and getting to know each other better. Later, Derek and I headed to my “local” again, and stayed til closing time. As we said goodnight, we finally had a proper full-on kiss!! He was off to Thailand in the morning for two weeks, but if that kiss was any indication, we were definitely going to be seeing each other again! —

Steve- Date #1– Sunday– We met at a vegan food fest, as we were both vegetarians. We tried some different things and even won a couple sweet prizes in the raffle. We didn’t end up having a great connection though, but I was willing to give him one more chance…

Holy shit! Are you as exhausted reading that as I felt after my ten dates??!! Also, I know it’s hard to believe, and may even be disappointing for some of you, but as you may have noticed above, there were not any “fantasy over-night” dates to be had! It was actually very refreshing to go on dates with guys who were respectful, and who didn’t expect sex at the end of the night.

Well, that wraps up my ten dates in ten days with four guys (well five guys, eleven dates- technically). The Bachellorette- Siem Reap edition doesn’t end there though! At this point, two of the Bachelors have left town, but two still remain! It should also be noted, that of the two that have left town, I’m still in contact with one frequently —

Will one of them be my Mr. Right? Check out the follow-up post Being the “Bachelorette”- Part 2 to find out!

Tinder 101

Then along came Tinder! I resisted it at first- pretty easy to do when you don’t have a Smart phone, but when your girlfriends get you an iPhone for your birthday with the Tinder app installed and a profile ready, as if you’re going to say no! They were very thoughtful friends, as it was all to make sure I got laid for my birthday– and doesn’t everybody want that?? Anyways, that night is very alcohol-induced hazy, however, I’m pretty sure we (ok, I’m pretty sure it was actually one gf in particular) might have swiped right to every guy between the ages of 18-35 years old in a 150 km radius! As I was a Tinder virgin, you probably want to know if, well, I got fucked? The answer, unfortunately, is no. What my first experience taught me, is that a lot of guys will match you, but then just stop there.

Don’t know what Tinder is, or how it works, you say? Never used Tinder? Well, imagine going to a bar and having guys lined up within your preferred dating age-range. With either only looking at them, or possibly (let’s say half of them) listening to them talk about themselves for 15 seconds, you decide whether you want to continue to chat, or tell them “Adios Amigos”. Now imagine that all of this is instead online, but you now have up to 100 men, boys, boy toys, or just plain idiots- whatever ever you want to call them, pretty much thrown in your face. The only catch — they have to want to chat to you too. So, here we enter a whole new world of dating, or at least options of men to date.

During this time, I was living in Queenstown, the “adventure capital of the world”, so there were both a lot of locals and tourists on Tinder to choose from. I went on a few dates, dated someone for six months (that experience could be an entire blog in itself, it was so bad), but the point is- there were options! I didn’t know how good I had it at the time. Unfortunately, Queenstown had been challenging me in other parts of my life, so I decided to change careers, change countries, and move to Cambodia to teach English. — This is how I ended up living in Siem Reap.

Dating in Siem Reap has been an entirely different experience. And by different I do not mean better. I mean so fucking bad, that I actually used some of the shit experiences of dating here in my first ever (charity fundraiser) stand-up comedy routine. It was actually at this fundraiser that I gave out my phone number at the end of the performance. Or did I? Sorry, just talking shit again. I mean, I did pass out pieces of paper to the audience with a phone number on them but, it wasn’t mine! Apologies to the random person who might have got calls that night, opps!

“When you dedicate half of your debut stand-up comedy routine to the fucking shit dates you’ve had, you know the pickings are slim, and there is a lack of talent!”

For anyone who lives here in Siem Reap, you will know what I’m talking about. For those who don’t, let me explain. There is a local (Cambodian) community, and an expat community. Within this expat community, you predominantly have single women +35, gay men, heterosexual couples, men +55 who want to meet a nice Cambodian girl to take care of them, and 25-35-ish year old single men. Hold up! I bet you’re thinking what’s wrong with these 25-35 year old guys?? Well, nothing if they actually wanted to date someone but, it seems, the majority do not. Instead there is a big “player” scene, where a girl is lucky to be the flavor of the week, or flavor of the month. Hell, it might even take six months for it to be your turn again. — Yes, I can actually confirm this one from personal experience.

So, who the fuck can you date??!! Well, your choices then become locals or tourists. As I mentioned in my debut post, I tend to go for tall, white guys. Translation- Asian guys are not my type. That leaves tourists, and well, the best way to meet a flock of tourists is on Tinder! It’s not all unicorns and sparkles though! When you dedicate half of your debut stand-up comedy routine to the fucking shit dates you’ve had, you know the pickings are slim, and there is a lack of talent! Now, that’s not to say I haven’t had a few fun dates with a couple of the tourists I’ve met. I think one I even fell in love with one the moment I met him. It kind of didn’t hurt that he looked like a Calvin Klein model. — Did it just get a bit hotter in here?

Last year, however, I was so disheartened by the dating scene in Siem Reap, I actually only went on a handful of dates. This year though, I decided, as a New Year’s “resolution” kind-of-thing, to get out and meet more men and give more of them chances. I want to find someone to share all the love I have to give. I resolved I was going to open myself up to love this year, in hope of it coming back to me. You know, positive thinking to receive some sparkles in return. This is how ‘The Bachelorette: Siem Reap‘ came to fruition this past February.

Check out my next two posts to find out what happens when I become The “Bachelorette”. You can also follow me here, or like my FB page https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/ to know when new posts go live.

Is anybody else single out there?

Have you ever been asked multiple times over the years “Why is a great, cool girl like you single?” As flattering as that might seem, did you ever just want to reply “Because I’m fucking crazy!” to shut them up? Granted, not the best way to answer, but points for being a smart-ass! I reckon, though, many of you will have probably answered like me “Because I want to be.” What??! You mean a woman can be happy on her own? I think if you asked around, many people would actually find this hard to believe- that a woman does not need a man to be happy. Well, it’s true for a lot of us, myself included. I am extremely independant, but now I’m also ready to give my time to someone, to finally have that Mr. Right in my life.

So, assuming you’re single, my question to you is– Have you ever asked people you don’t know well, or even complete strangers, if they knew anyone you could date? Sounds a bit scary to put yourself out there like that, doesn’t it? Well, I can attest to the fact that it sure the fuck is! It seems, though, I still have some dignity left to lose. I have been known at various parties and events to ask all the girls “Do you know any single guys I could date? Your brother, a cousin, your boyfriend’s brother, your dad, your son??” Now I’m just talking shit, well, kind of. I mean dating someone’s dad would just be weird, and ewww, gross! In all honesty, I cannot ever imagine dating anyone that was old enough, or even close enough in age to be my father! As for sons, well, the last time a girlfriend had her son visit her from overseas, she wouldn’t even let me meet him! Ummm, so much for dating him! How does that saying go? It’s “Lock up your sons!”, isn’t it? —

Now, back to those parties and events I mentioned earlier. There was yet another time at a ‘Girls Nite’ Christmas dinner-party where I introduced myself, and asked if they knew anyone single I could date. Then there was that time at a fundraiser where I even passed out phone numbers! Shit, now I’m sounding desperate again, aren’t I??!! Okay, I get it, but here’s the thing– I’ve been single for a bit, and by a bit, I mean like years, and by years, I mean like fucking years. In fact, just the other week I was on a date with a guy who happened to ask me how long I’ve been single. The truth — I have been single for the majority of the last 15 years! Almost the entire time I’ve been traveling and living overseas.

What I hate now is that I feel like the longer time goes on, the more people judge me and think “What’s wrong with her?” Hey, I get it– 15 years is a long fucking time! As I mentioned earlier though, I’ve been happily single for most of that time. It was only when a few years ago that I was able to base myself in a country long term I thought “Getting involved with a guy again might actually be okay.” Okay, as in “I might not get my heart broken when my Visa expires and I have to leave the country” okay. Yes, that’s actually happened– twice. Living the expat life for so many years by this point, knowing I was finally, somewhat more easily, able to stay somewhere for more than a year was definitely a game changer. I slowly began to become more open-minded to the idea of dating again, and eventually began my search of looking for my Mr. Right.

Follow me here to read my next post and see how I discovered the world of Dating + Tinder! You can also like my page on FB to get updates on new posts at https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/

Are you my Mr. Right?

Mr. Right?? Mr.Right-Now?? Mr. Wrong??!! — They say we learn from our mistakes, so I figure for all the Mr. Wrongs I’ve met, and even dated, surely I must be on the path to meeting Mr. Right soon? Soon-ish? Before I’m in a wheelchair needing hip replacement surgery??!! Oh god! I’m starting to sound desperate! Doesn’t the pool of men begin to diminish as we start to get older? Or is it just the pool I’m interested in? It seems the age of men I find attractive has stayed the same, which now apparently makes me a Cougar! Okay, sure, lots of young guys like older, “experienced” women but, are they actually serious about dating? Umm, that’s pretty much a big fat no! So I’ll file them away to that Mr. Right-Now category, which, well, cover your ears Mom and Dad, has become quite a long list. It also gives me some juicy stories to tell you about in the future.

So what I want to know is— “How do you find Mr. Right in an ocean of not the right guys?” It’s literally like finding a needle in a fucking haystack! Well, I put this challenge upon myself this year– to start weeding through all these wrong/not-so-right/ok-for-right-now/boy-toys. How else do you find anyone unless you put yourself out there and try?

Now- I’m sure you’re also wondering what my Mr. Right consists of, as we all know that what is right for one person, isn’t right for another. First off, he has to be hot! Like superfuckable hot! Shit, did I just write that for everyone to read? Opps! So when I say hot, I mean like a Calvin Klein model, six-pack and all-that, kind of hot! Okay, I know what you’re thinking– You’re saying to yourself right now “Is this chick for real? Could she really be that vain?” and “Calvin Klein model look-a-likes, the few that there are, are hardly serious bf material!” Oh, you’re probably additionally thinking “Does she really think she’s going to win the lottery and find a guy who is supermodel hot and wants to date?” Well, here’s the thing, I have been on some dates with some seriously hot, hot, hot guys- enough times I’m high five-ing myself right now! But, and it’s a big but, right there, this is where I start to go wrong and where I go off track but, — damn! How can you not resist a wee bit of yummy boy-toy candy every once in a while??!!

“Unless his name is Usher and he is a famous singer, then that’s okay.”

Okay, back to who fits my Mr. Right criteria. You’ve probably figured this out already— I’m picky! Really, really picky! I reckon, though, we owe it to ourselves to have standards. If I keep fit, then why can’t I expect this in a guy? So, in addition to fit-attractive men, I like:

  • Tall. My rule has always been, if you’re shorter than me when I wear heels, which I pretty much live in, then I’m not interested. I have had more than one girlfriend almost smack me on the head for not being more open-minded, so I would like to say, I have tried really hard recently to be accepting of dates with guys of at least my height. Progress!
  • I tend to gravitate to white boys. Yep, those Caucasian ones. Tall, dark, and handsome might be in my dreams but, in reality I rarely go for them. White boys with a healthy golden tan because they’ve been climbing mountains, sign me up!
  • Maybe #1 of importance, and I’d say “make or break”, is that whoever I date long term, has traveled and wants to travel more. This is their lifestyle, not just a one-off holiday or gap break.
  • Is not looking for a baby mama!
  • Is kind, funny, intelligent, witty, active/fit, blah, blah, blah…
  • Sex. Has to be great in bed, and there has to be an amazing connection. Obviously, this is subjective, so I’ll get into more detail about what I think defines “great in bed” in one of my future posts.

Sooo, if you’re reading this right now, and you think “Wait, I know the perfect guy for her” –but– “he’s a bit of a couch potatoe.”, then just stop right there! “But, he has a passport!” Not good enough! “But, he isn’t looking for a Baby Mama because he has three already!” No, no, no! Unless his name is Usher and he is a famous singer, then that’s okay. — I’ve often told people that Usher is my only ever potential Baby Daddy. He is sooo fucking hot! ——– Sorry, got sidetracked for a moment there as I pictured rubbing my hands down Usher’s washboard stomach, oh my!

Right! Back to the topic on hand! Now, this doesn’t mean I want you to stop thinking about who you know that might be the perfect guy for me, I just want to make sure we’re in unison. Okay, so now that you get the idea of what I’m interested in, let’s find out about my dating adventures, and not-so-much dating adventures— How I came to be looking for Mr. Right.

Read my upcoming posts to continue on this journey with me as I search for my ever elusive Mr. Right. You can follow me here, or on https://www.facebook.com/jossdatingblog/

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